A Cartography of Colors

Goodbye

2011-09-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

I've decided to start over.

Find me over here now.

Goodbye.

Overload

2011-07-31T22:56:00.000-07:00

If you follow me on flickr, you may have noticed the recent upload of nearly 200 photos from my trip to China. I know it's a bit overwhelming so I'm going to begin posting them here in smaller groups tomorrow. Until then, feel free to flick through them yourself here.

Insomnia

2011-07-09T02:03:00.000-07:00

Empty beds have become the hardest to sleep in.

This is a really old photo. I just realized I like it.

The Return

2011-07-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last week or so (I got back to Portland on Tuesday night last week) doing pretty much nothing. I haven't been scheduled to work, I don't have school anymore, and there isn't much I really need to do (besides some chores that I have managed to avoid quite successfully. What I really want to do is go print in a darkroom. I want to spend my whole summer hidden away in there, learning through experience, teaching myself how to create what it is I actually want with my film. I wish I knew something about printing color film, I'd go do that in a heartbeat too. Since I don't though, I'm thinking I'll focus on perfecting my black and white printing. I have tons of photos from China, but I haven't gotten around to loading them onto flickr. I'll get to it soon, but right now I'm enjoying doing nothing and indulging myself in laziness. It's not something I always allow myself to do, especially not for this long.

What holds it all up

2011-06-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Being this close to something makes it hard to focus and concentrate. I just have two papers (one pretty short and the other comparatively long) until I'm finished with school. Most everyone I know is done with the term though. I miss taking photos, but I can't let myself get that distracted when I'm so close.

This photo is from when I was out taking landscapes last term, I found the remains of something out in the snow and took a few photos of it (after I moved it onto a stump). I love the way they turned out.

News

2011-06-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

I have some news....
I suppose pretty much anything I post would count as news since I've been so sporatic on this space lately. School and work and life have been keeping me really busy lately, but anyway, on to the news (there are several items, actually):

1. In just over a week I will have graduated with my Bachelor's of Science in Anthropology (if you know anyone who needs an anthropologist and is willing to pay let me know...)

2. Two days after my graduation, I will be going to China for two weeks with my grandma and cousin. I still can't believe this is actually going to be happening.

3. Portland (the entire state of Oregon, really) seems to have finally figured out that it should be summer right now and is finally having some nice weather.

4. I'm finally, very slowly, getting around to scanning all my black and white film from my photo classes (the photos above are from a landscape project I did this winter).

5. Hopefully, I'll be getting a car soon... which means I can go camping... which means this summer will actually feel like summer.

That's really all that's been happening in my life (or at least all I'm willing to share on the internet). I'm hoping that now that I'm going to be done with school for a while, I'll try and post here more regularly.

Something New

2011-04-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when you let some people use your camera and you don't really want your picture to be taken... and the boringness and lack of blogging present on this blog is what happens when said people make you very happy and distract you from doing your normal time-wasting activities.

I'm graduating in June. I'm going to China in June. I'm working at the pool. I'm planning the adventure that I want to be my life. I'm coming up with all sorts of crazy ideas. I'm spending more time with friends and making new ones too. I'm starting to exercise again on Tuesday. I'm spending the free time I have previously spent in the student union trying not to fall asleep scanning and editing film. I want to be more productive. I want to feel like this last term was worthwhile. I want to have time to do all the photography projects floating around my head. I want to be able to articulate what I am feeling and thinking. I want an outlet for all my frustrations with life.

I think I'll start writing here again, writing about the mundane life I lead in this damp, damp city. And hopefully that will encourage me to take more photos, not just photos for photos sake but actual photos that I can be proud of.

In other news, my toothbrush recently found a mate. It has me blushing to myself.

It's been a while

2011-03-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

I've been busy with school this term. It's just going to to keep happening next term too. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this space. I'm happy with my life right now. These photos are from the summer. I can't wait for next summer, for freedom.

Goals and Hopes

2011-01-08T04:41:00.000-08:00

Here's the dealio:
I don't make New Year's Resolutions and
I don't make set goals
But I do have vague goal-idea-hopes-things floating around my head.

Recently they've looked something like this:
Get better at photographing people
Start taking photos I actually like again
Get into/apply for graduate school
Go somewhere/do something exciting
Finish my degree
Get really really incredibly good grades (mostly because I know I can if I just actually try)
Make some connections for my future (work-wise)
Have friendships (not just friends I see once a month)
Get back in shape (it's been way to long)
Don't worry about what everyone is thinking
Write (creatively) more

Yeah, that's about it.

The photos are from New Year's Eve. We had sparklers. It was kind of boring. And all my photos are awful.

Winter

2010-12-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

I am excited to have some time to myself over the next couple of weeks. I'm hoping to get some reading I've been wanting to finish done as well as take tons of photos. I have several ideas stuck in my head right now, so hopefully I'll be able to take them and they'll turn out how I want them to. Sorry I haven't posted much lately, school has been keeping me busy. This photo is from my Thanksgiving trip to Idaho, it was taken in the car on the drive home.

Rain

2010-11-20T00:10:00.000-08:00

In September, as my black and white photo class was ending it rained a few days. I realized how beautiful the rain really is and how great it would be to capture it on film in black and white. I have been waiting (rather impatiently, to be honest) for the winter rain to hit Portland and this month it really has hit full force. Part of this project is to capture the actual physical phenomenon of rain but I also want to capture some of the moods that rain and winter in Portland brings about. I want to do some portrait work for this eventually, but the opportunity hasn't arisen. I want these to all be photos from my everyday life, things that I am actually experiencing and seeing. All the water I have to endure as well as the cozy interiors I retreat to when it's too wet to be outside.

These are shots from the first roll of film I've shot for this. I really wanted to develop and print the film myself but I don't have access to a darkroom right now and honestly, I don't have time. Eventually though I do plan on printing my favorites of the series myself.

On a more practical note, this project has made me hate the rain a little less. But I'm still more excited about snow... which may be coming to Portland soon (and if it does it totally counts as being part of Portland in the winter, right?).

Let me know what you think of this project. There are more photos from this roll on my flickr.

2010-11-18T18:58:00.001-08:00

This is a sneak peak of a project I've been working on lately. I'll show you more soon.

A River Runs Through It

2010-11-11T02:45:00.000-08:00

Growing up I remember that there was a book of my dad's on fly-fishing. It was always out somewhere. I don't ever remember my dad going fly-fishing growing up but I know he had all the equipment for it, a fairly nice pole, flys that my aunt (his sister) had made him, and even the hat. When I was in high school I learned to fly-fish in one of my classes, I even caught a fish. It was a rewarding and new experience and I wish that I had had the opportunity to do it at some time earlier in my life. I just watched A River Runs Through It for the first time, and I am surprised that I had not seen it before. I'm sure it's a movie my dad likes, so much of it reminds me of him and also of what I want my life to be like eventually. I'm not the kind of person who loves living in a city. I like it, it's fun and there are some things that are great about it, but really I want to live in the woods one day. Just be out there away from people with the trees and a river and some mountains and live. Just enjoy the parts of the world where I feel most at home. I think that's something that my dad and I have in common, although we've never really spoken about it, I think he prefers to be outside, away from people. As I've gotten older I've come to realize that I'm a lot more like him than I ever thought, but there are some things about him that I will never be like. When it comes to fly fishing though I want to do more of it, I want to be out in the woods more, I don't want to spend all my time in the city.

Autumn

2010-11-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

I don't like when it gets dark at 6 at night. But I do like that it's cold outside and that trees are losing all their leaves and it feels appropriate to drink tea.

I haven't really liked most of my pictures lately. I snapped this one today on my way home.

November

2010-11-08T14:36:00.000-08:00

I'm really missing being out of the city. I'm also missing pine trees, mountains, and aspen leaves, but those aren't all that easily remedied. I do like living in the city but I just feel so at home when I'm out in the woods. I think I'll try to at least make it to Forest Park this week (not that that is really the woods, but I live fairly close to it and it might make me feel a little better, plus I have to observe animals for one of my classes) as well as doing some other things that have been on my to-do list for a while (like buying some tea and getting supplies to make this tote). Lately I've been trying to get some things taken care of so I can actually do what I hope I'll be able to do next year as well as cooking some pretty delicious food. Also, did you notice that for the first time in a long time this post is less than a week after my last one? Not only that but it isn't at an ungodly hour of the night. I'm working getting myself to have a more regular sleep schedule. Hopefully I'll get out and about and take some new photos soon. October was a stressful month for me, but November is looking like it's going to be better already. I'm glad the weather's gotten cold, I can actually wear the things I want to without being over-dressed (and therefore, ridiculous).

Music

2010-11-06T04:03:00.000-07:00

I've been looking through my music collection a lot lately and although it is pretty sparse I feel like it's mad up of a lot of really good music. I guess you could say it's a quality over quantity type of collection... anyway, I decided I would share 10 albums that I just never seem to get tired of, ones that I can listen to over and over again, many of which I've had for years and are still counted as being favorites despite getting newer music. They aren't in any particular order...

1. Rock N Roll by Ryan Adams
Just what it sounds like. Straight up classic-style rock n roll. I tend to listen to this if I need to get motivated to do something or I'm cleaning.

2. Funeral by Arcade Fire
I bought this album when it first came out having never heard the band, it was simply that Amazon had suggested I might like it. And I do, it's a hard one to live up to and I have to say I just don't think that Arcade Fire has been able to. Their last two albums have been pretty big disappointments to me, possibly only because I am comparing them to this one.

3. August and Everything After by Counting Crows
If you really need me to say anything about this you haven't heard it. It somehow embodies every emotion possible in a mere 50 minutes, or at least that's what it is to me.

4. Illuminare by Umbrellas
I don't know what it is about this album, but it is just so amazing to me. I think it's something similar to the last one, it goes through so many different emotions in such a short time and so well it just ends up being amazing. Somehow this band has stayed pretty low on the radar, as far as I know, and that just seems like a huge shame.

5. Origin of Symmetry by Muse
This is an amazing show of what this band can do. I almost ended up putting more than one Muse album on this list but then realized that this is the one that I really tend to come back to time and time again. The piano on this is unbelievable.

6. Boxer by The National
When I first heard The National, my immediate reaction was that I didn't like them. Slowly they grew on me, the one thing that I think deterred me at first was Matt Berninger's voice. It gives the songs an incredibly unique quality, not that they need it, they shine already and I constantly find myself finding new lyrics to relate to.

7. Building Nothing Out of Something by Modest Mouse
Ok, I'll admit it, I'm one of those people that had no idea Modest Mouse existed until Good News For People Who Love Bad News came out. I can firmly say, years later though, that after getting my hands on their older stuff, well their most recent work is dull in comparison. The lyrics and the music in this album are just right for me, especially when the weather in Portland is at it's dreariest.

8. Final Straw by Snow Patrol
Strangely, I bought this album at the same time as Arcade Fire's Funeral. For me it's perfect if I want something a little on the sappy side. And despite what someone once told me about Snow Patrol's music writing abilities being non-existent, I actually enjoy the simplicity in combination with the lyrics, it just works for my ears.

9. Elephant Shell by Tokyo Police Club
This album is pretty short, but what it lacks in length it makes up for in fun music with great lyrics (I especially appreciate that they have a song in which the name of a hominin appears... but that's me being nerdy and I still loved it before I realized that's what they're saying).

10. Something About Airplanes by Death Cab For Cutie
Soooo the same someone that criticized Snow Patrol once told me that 'everyone' knows this is Death Cab's worst album... yeah, they're kind of a music snob. Something about this album lets me listen to it on repeat for hours, so it can't be that bad, right? There some quality to it that just really appeals to me.

And that's it. To finish this off I made a playlist that you can listen to here with one song from each album, I hope you enjoy!

2010-10-26T01:41:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything to say. I've been busy with school and work lately. I'm getting sick of Portland's weather already but at the same time I'm excited for the rain. Sometimes I think I just need to start over.

Firsts

2010-10-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of firsts in my life (everyone can say this, really). Most of them have led to something else happening. For better or for worse there is a first time for everything. This summer I shot black and white film for the first time and then at the end of the summer I got to develop and print that film. I finally began the long process of scanning all the film I took in that month or so. I feel like I really got something amazing added to my life with this particular first and I have what I think is a pretty cool idea for a photo series. I'll have more on that in a few months or so, for now, here are some of the first black and white photos I took on film, from before my class started, when I was just experimenting a little bit to try and get the hang of it.

It was a black and white summer for me, I feel like it in more ways than one.

School

2010-09-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

So I started school this week (Hooray!) and although this term is going to require me memorizing an ungodly amount of things, I'm really looking forward to all my classes. I am still in the process of getting internet in my apartment so I haven't really been keeping up with any television shows or the news lately, but when I was reading some blogs today, I came across this post. It's short and simple and quite nerdy but I was quite excited about it... all it says is:

OMG! Sue Sylvester said "hominid!"

If you're interested in keeping up with current anthropology news (especially biological and paleoanthopolgy) check out the blog I got this from... here.

Lately

2010-09-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my brother's soccer game and found that along my way there was an old pioneer cemetery. It was so beautiful and park like I was tempted to come back for a picnic. I feel that might be too morbid, to have a picnic in a cemetery, but I still wanted to do it. There were old gravestones with hidden stories buried in the names on them and a beautiful old building that looked like it was probably a mausoleum (that's what that picture is of) as well as some really great trees. I've always felt that I would like trees to be near my grave, if I have a grave. And really the best kind of tree to be buried near would be a really great climbing tree... Ok I'm done being so morbid... Later while I was waiting for the bus to go home, I realized that autumn really is showing up, the leaves are starting to change and even though there have been a few sunny days lately the rain and gloomy clouds have started to come back.

On another entirely unrelated note, I got new glasses. I'm still not entirely sure what to think of them... is that bad? I mean I did pick them out, I just am not entirely sure why I like them or if I really do like them all that much.

Break

2010-09-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

I hate talking on phones. I hate blogging in public. I actually really hate e-mail for the most part. Unfortunately these aren't things that I can really get rid of in my life. I need to get over my dislike of phone calls and get internet in my apartment already... I've lived here for almost a month for goodness sake! And if I hadn't gotten over my blogging in public issues I wouldn't be writing this right now (with paranoid fears that people are looking over my shoulder and judging me). As far as e-mail goes... I just like getting real mail so much more but if it wasn't for e-mail figuring out my work schedules would be a lot harder and I'd have to talk on the phone a lot more, so I'm ok with it. I guess the point of this entire post is that there isn't really much going on in my life right now. I'm sitting in a gelato shop (sorry work, but this is across the street from me) sipping coffee wishing school would start so I had something to do. This is my "summer vacation" (hardly, in the traditional sense - it's only 2 weeks long) but I don't really want it. I just want to get on with school and finish already. Even though I don't know what I'm going to do when I finish with school.

Moving

2010-09-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

So.... I moved to a new apartment at the end of August. Said new apartment does not have internet (yet) so I haven't been able to post anything because I'm strange and don't want to blog in public... Right now I'm in Bend, visiting for a few days during my two-week summer break (I didn't think it would ever come). I'm not sure what I'm going to do while I'm here but hopefully there will be a lot of time spent outside and perhaps some hiking and definitely some tea. I'm excited for the next few days to pan out. Hopefully I'll get to see some people I haven't seen all summer too. I'll try to get some internet soon, mostly so that I can watch movies again, but also so I can post things on here.

Huh...

2010-08-30T00:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I still don't have everything packed to move later today, I need to do laundry, oh and I haven't even finished one of the two rolls of film I am supposed to have taken portraits on. The last one is mostly due to my lack of being around people.. I feel pathetic.

Busy

2010-08-28T03:52:00.000-07:00

A random picture from the coast that I like...

A long and some-what boring rant-ish writing about my life as it is currently...

I'm not unhappy, just exhausted.. actually I'm pretty happy with my life right now, I just need to have a little more time somewhere so I can think about things and figure out what is coming next. Right now it seems as if I am living my life day by day. Most of the time I hardly know what it is coming the next day (or even what day it is). I'm enjoying my photography class and I've been taking pictures like mad but printing them myself in the darkroom is such a long process that I feel like I don't have much to show for all the photos I've been taking. Don't get me wrong, working in the darkroom is a really rewarding process. I probably would have been there at some point today if I wasn't out of paper. For our next assignment we have to take portraits which I'm a little worried about, just because I don't know who I'm going to take them of or when. I'm moving to a new apartment on Monday and not at all ready, but I have tomorrow free all day, so I think I'll be able to get some things done then. It just seems like I'm doing nothing but working, going to class, sleeping, and eating (occasionally, sometimes I seem to forget about this one) right now. Even on my days off that's all I feel like I'm doing (mostly because if I have a day off work, I still go to class/work in the darkroom/do homework/help people with things and when I have days off school, well I'm definitely working then). Luckily I should have a break soon. I'm not sure why I'm posting this right now... I just really need more time to have a life. I need to talk to people.

Film from the coast... finally

2010-08-25T01:16:00.000-07:00

You may remember that in February I went to the coast and have been trying to show you my film from that day since I got back... well after losing the roll and finding it again, I finally have it developed, printed, and scanned! I'm sure no one is really as excited as I am, I've been looking forward to this for over 6 months! And I must say, this roll did not disappoint me at all. It's amazing to think these were taken in February, they look so summery, and if I hadn't been there taking them I might say they feel summery, but I remember the cold wind all too well. Anyway, enjoy these images as summer begins to pass (sort of, it was way too hot and humid today... it was ice cream scooping like crazy at work). I really can't wait for the 'autumn' to begin.

Night

2010-08-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

When I get tired I tend to like repetition. I repeat words over and over when I'm speaking or writing something and the same thoughts or bit of song will repeat in my head over and over. I try to avoid going to bed sometimes because of this, I don't want to give my mind time to settle down and find whatever is going to start repeating itself in my head. Especially when they turn out to be thoughts, because the thoughts that come around at this time of night, are the ones I spend the whole day trying not to think.

I started my photography class on Monday, I get to use the darkroom and actually develop and print my own work. I like it, I like seeing things all the way through a process, I like turning science into art. It's like magic.

That is a pretty old photo up there.

A bit lost...

2010-08-15T02:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

Illustrating

2010-08-13T00:10:00.001-07:00

I might be a little too proud of this right now...

Endless

2010-08-12T05:02:00.000-07:00

I am so disappointed in myself right now. I was finally not procrastinating anything for school for the first two-thirds of this summer term (I am never taking summer classes again! Not that I was planning to anyway, but I have come to that decision in case there is some future situation I'm not seeing right now). But these last couple of weeks I've been working even more and forgetting about schoolwork and well, just being lazy and procrastinating (cue profanity coming out of my mouth and being directed at myself). Considering I am getting pretty close to pulling an all-nighter (something I haven't actually done since last spring when I had a really really strange sleep schedule and it's not that I haven't stayed up through the night since then, it's that I've always gone to bed oh, sometime around now or in the next hour or so) and probably will pull an all-nighter I just can't help but being upset with myself. Especially because what I'm working on isn't difficult, it doesn't even really require much critical thinking, it is just ridiculously time-consuming. But it should turn out to be a pretty cool project once it's done. I'll post some pictures or something, because I don't really have anything else going on in my life and, well I feel bad just letting this blog sit here with nothing new on it.

I have to say that if you made it through that without being completely confused by the side-tracks my mind takes or the way that I write them out... well, then you are amazing!

Through the Lens

2010-08-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

Other than taking a lot of photos of my feet over the past few months, I also apparently really liked to take pictures of myself taking pictures (in case you didn't notice I don't really usually do this, or at least I don't think I do). I realize I've posted the last one before but I still like it, in fact I like all of them at least a little, which is even weirder.

Delicate

2010-08-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

Quite a while ago a friend of mine described my blog as containing "delicate little descriptions." I honestly haven't been able to get these words out of my head since I first read them. Mostly it's that one word: delicate. I feel like the entire world is delicate, like my entire life is delicate; one wrong turn and everything can fall apart, everything can disappear. I like to think that light is delicate and when I take pictures I am trying to capture the delicate little bits and pieces that the light is creating. I'm trying to show people how delicate my life is, how the light streams through all the cracks and pinholes, how it's like a whole other universe waiting to be discovered. That's what light really is to me, it's what reveals the truth. Anything can happen when it's dark, but when the light comes back, when the sun rises, that's when everything really happens, and those in-between moments are just magical, anything can happen between the lightness and the darkness.

August

2010-08-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's August already (and 9 days into it!). It's already started out as a hectic month for me, I have to find a new place to live by the end of the month, my classes are finishing up (I have finals this week) and my work schedules have been conflicting (which was entirely my fault). The good thing about August though is that it means my birthday is coming up (yay! I'll officially not be a teen anymore, that's about all that's exciting about turning 20) and that autumn is almost here (which is my favorite season) although the weather seems pretty determined to make August into an autumn month this year.

At my dad's

2010-07-31T01:29:00.000-07:00

Back at the beginning of the summer when I went and spent a day at my dad's I took a roll of film worth of pictures. I'm kind of in love with these and the way my step-mom has decorated her yard and my dad's dog.

Looking Down

2010-07-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

I just picked up three rolls of film. None of which were the one that I have wanted to see developed since I shot it in February (I later realized it had been hiding so I never dropped it off). There was a common theme in the three rolls though of me taking pictures of my shoes and legs and quite a few coffee and food pictures too. If you want to see more of the film go to my flickr, I'll be posting more of it in the next few days.

The First

2010-07-26T00:14:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been seeing acorns, or at least what look to me like acorns (I'm fairly sure that's what they are but seeing as I don't have much experience I can't be entirely sure). I've never actually seen a real acorn, just drawings and pictures of them. I have to admit that to me they're a bit fairytale-ish, something magical exists in them. So today when I was walking to the bus stop on my way home from work I picked one up. The first acorn I've ever held. I still feel like it's quite a magical little thing. Also I have M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" stuck in my head... that's entirely unrelated, I know, it's just so catchy...

Forgotten

2010-07-26T00:07:00.000-07:00

I forgot that I had pictures from the beginning of the month sitting in my digital camera until I went and took some pictures today.

These are from the day after 4th of July (July 5th?), I woke up before everyone else and took this little guy for a walk along the Lewis River (I was staying at my dad's up in Washington).

He looks like a puppy but he's nearly two! He just got all his hair cut off for the summer.

I also found this on there, at the beginning of the month I ate cinnamon pancakes every day for about a week, one day I even put strawberries in them, they were delicious.

Feathers and Moonlight

2010-07-24T03:29:00.000-07:00

I wish my mind would quiet down.

Differences

2010-07-22T02:59:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how little this summer feels like summer. Last summer was just too good to me. I'm going to drop off some more film to get developed tomorrow I think, that is if I get to it... I feel like I have a never-ending amount of things to do right now and too many things pulling on my mind at once. So, I will leave you with this picture that someone (I really can't remember who) showed me recently. If you ever had anything to do with Babar you will (hopefully, if not I might feel a bit crazy) agree with me that it is awesome.

Sent to my brother

2010-07-15T01:39:00.000-07:00

As I briefly mentioned a while ago, my brother and I send pictures back and forth to each other, trying to outdo each other. Well, to be honest, I send more than he does. But I thought that I would share some of the more interesting things I've seen and shared with him lately.

Yeah, this actually happened in the store... I couldn't believe it.

When my brother was living with my dad and I was in Portland last year my mom made a ham that she and my step-dad had gotten as a gift... they ate ham everything for just about a month... (so I actually sent this to her, but I still love the pic)

It's hard to tell but the crane is actually moving port-a-potties... oh yeah.

A strawberry shaped like a tooth!

I was bored in class this morning... I realized later I should have written 'oh deer' instead.

Yes, I sent my brother a picture of my foot. Because my chaco tan is beginning to show and it's gonna be AWESOME by the end of the summer.

Travels

2010-07-15T00:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes this is just too much.

I have this idea that someday I'll just pack what I need to live and go where ever I end up for a few months. Preferably in Europe. Maybe after I'm done with school... we'll see. I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year of school. I feel like my mind travels more than I ever will in my entire life.

Black and White

2010-07-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

This is a really old picture... I bought some black and white film today, I've actually never shot black and white film, so I thought I should try it before I start my black and white photography class next month. I am itching to get out and use it, but I've been to busy to take many photos lately.

2010-07-12T01:29:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention; lately my dreams have been very strange and I've remembered them (the first part of that is pretty normal but the second isn't). Last night for example, I dreamt that I got lost while on a walk (the part before this was just strange and hard to explain so I'm just going to describe the disgusting part for your reading pleasure) and then in order to get back to where I started I had to crawl through a large pile of animal skins and fat, at the time (in my dream) I made a comment about how this was definitely enough to make me become a vegetarian again. When I woke up this morning I was seriously considering it... I have since changed my mind but decided that if that ever did happen I would most likely stop eating meat.

Ugh

2010-07-12T01:22:00.000-07:00

I really dislike when I have my weekend all planned out and then everything goes wrong. This weekend for example was going to be spent catching up and getting ahead on some school reading and finishing up a presentation I have tomorrow (or today technically since it's past midnight). Unfortunately both my jobs decided they needed me both days so almost nothing got done (except me printing of a bazillion articles to do research for my presentation and earning money which isn't entirely bad). Now I'm trying to muster the energy to finish getting my presentation together... needless to say it could be going better... I was so excited that I wasn't planning on procrastinating too (or at least not procrastinating as much). I really need to catch up on that reading so I don't feel so behind all the time. I'm really just typing whatever comes into my head, my apologies to anyone that's made it this far.

A few minutes ago I decided that the following sentence describes how I feel about my life right now perfectly:

I'm really tired of having so many regrets and not being able to take the chance and fix them.

I'm not really sure that even makes sense to anyone but me, but it makes sense to me so everyone else can just ignore it. As a reward for making it so far, here is a picture from my recent film batch...

Busy

2010-07-08T01:10:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy the past week. I drove all over the place for 4th of July weekend, I'm working two jobs and going to school full time. But it's good, it keeps me organized. Although I didn't realize it was so late until just now... I should go to sleep. I think this weekend I might actually do something fun!

2010-06-30T22:40:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel today.

But I have pictures of pancakes to look at and homework to do.

Oh, and people are setting off fireworks... already?

(Photo from Anna Wolf's website)

Time

2010-06-27T21:27:00.000-07:00

I've been playing around and falling in love with black and white photos lately. A good thing since I'm taking a black and white photography class later this summer. I really can't wait for it. I don't have a whole lot to say right now, just a lot of thinking and school and work going on.

Summer

2010-06-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad that the weather has finally figured out that it's summer. It seems like it took ages. I'm also glad that I'm thinking I'll enjoy my classes this summer which will help with the whole not having a break thing. I'm trying to find a way to go camping or up into the woods to go hiking this summer because it's hard enough spending a summer without pine trees.

Film

2010-06-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

Some photos from the first couple of months of the year. I finally got them scanned today. Not only is it a bit gloomy for the first day of summer but it was also my first day of summer classes. More film photos on my flickr.

Saturday

2010-06-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

I went down to the Farmer's Market and got some of the last rhubarb of the season along with some of the first strawberries of the season so I could make a strawberry rhubarb pie. It turned out so delicious! And my crust was perfect! I'm so excited about it! I had a little leftover crust so I decided to make a mini peach pie. I just threw it together without a recipe which is something I don't usually do but it turned out wonderfully too.

Some Things

2010-06-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a conversation that made me realize a lot of things about myself that I usually try to ignore. It was a really good thing and I'm grateful that I had it, even if it wasn't the happiest. Sometimes you just need someone else to say the right things before you really see the whole thing.

The weather here is awful; it's freezing and wet out. Well, it isn't wet here in Portland, but it was quite rainy the entire drive from Bend back to Portland. Last weekend though we got some really nice, warm weather and I went up to my dad's for the day, that's where these pictures are from. I'm going to pick up a couple of rolls of film tomorrow. I don't know what's on them, I have a pretty big pile of film to get developed so it could be anything. I am pretty sure that one of them might have some pictures from my trip to the coast a while ago (as in February-ish), but I might be wrong. It's an exciting surprise.

Bones

2010-06-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

I love when you can see the bones under your skin. I love knowing that I know what each of them is.

It's been a while since I've posted anything, I've been really busy with the end of the term and work, but now the term is over and I'm enjoying my little break before summer classes start up again. Hopefully I'll be around a bit more after this.

People

2010-05-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people really annoy me. My psuedo-aunt (she's my stepmom's sister, so we aren't really all that related) told her niece (in my terms, my psuedo-cousin) that she looked "so grown-up" the other day when I went to dinner with them and some other family members (psuedo- and real). She then turned to me and said, "Not you, you still look like a little girl." To which I responded, "I'm only 19." Which is true, I am only 19, I spend most of my days going to class, studying for class, or scooping ice cream, most of the time, I don't need to be all that grown-up looking. Although I have realized more and more lately, that in just a year I will be out in the world as a college graduate and I might want to look a little more grown up then. Today, when I needed a break from writing about German history (actually it's just the history of a German island but I have to write it in German which makes my head go into over-drive after a while) I decided to see if I actually do look grown-up at all when I try. Which, is a lot of fun for me, I get to get out of my T-shirts and jeans and try and look nice, because in reality I'm wearing a plaid shirt and some cords today with a pair of tennis shoes. I should also mention that Alli's weekly feature of what she is wearing and her statement about having outfits that just don't work out today kind of inspired this as well, you can check out what she's wearing (along with various other things) over at One Pearl Button. I'm going to caption these pictures because I think they're kind of awful and it's more fun for me.

I was frustrated by the set-up of my room not being good for taking pictures not in a mirror so I gave up and used a mirror. Also, please ignore the mess on my floor.

I really love these shoes... my pasty legs... not so much.

Awkward half-showing-my-teeth smile.

Green in the City

2010-05-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

I live just across the freeway from some of the hills of Portland, where there is a strange combination of forest-like areas and large or old houses, depending. When you walk up my street and across the freeway (my apartment is very loud most of the time) there are a set of stairs going up the hill to one of the roads that has wound it's way up. Along the way up them are green things everywhere, it's a bit of an escape from being surrounded by the city for me. A couple of weeks ago I went up them and snapped some pictures.

Down

2010-05-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

We're down and out on the streets tonight

No money in our pockets

Just a paper for our blanket.

We hang our hearts and tears out to dry

And they shake in the rasping branches

Of the winter trees.

Our memories are hiding

In the bruises that cover our backs and knees

As the blood is gushing below

Held back by the translucent skins.

I don't know what I'm thinking tonight, maybe it's the rain that's getting to me, I'm just not sure. Ignore my ramblings. I have pictures from a couple weeks ago that I've been meaning to post, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

Sometimes

2010-05-06T22:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I want to go back. Sometimes I want to pull out my backpack and explore everywhere and see everything. Sometimes it feels like time is working against me.

Insomnia

2010-05-04T01:15:00.000-07:00

On my way home from visiting with Nicole.

A mural covered over?

I can't sleep, photos from this weekend.

2010-05-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been missing for a while, there was a bit of a computer fiasco (my hard drive decided to die of defections). I'm looking forward to this weekend, just relaxing a bit. I don't know why but I like this picture.

Weekends

2010-04-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

I was sick this weekend. My body truly has awful timing. There is so much I have to do for school this term and on top of that I need to find a job. I feel like I'm getting lost in it all. Or maybe I'm just lost to begin with. I just need the time it takes to figure things out... but I don't have that. And I don't get to find it anywhere. Finally, goats in trees... entertaining - thank you internet.

1 Year

2010-04-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

One year ago, I started this blog with murky ideas behind what I wanted it to be about. While I'm still a bit murky about what exactly this blog is supposed to be about, I have enjoyed the past year. I have ideas about what I would like to do with this space in the future. I would really like to be able to sell prints of my photos eventually. But that's something that takes time to get started, which is something I don't have all that much of right now with school going on. Hopefully though I'll be able to find some time. We'll have to see what the next year brings.

Summer

2010-04-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been wishing summer was here already, I just want to be able to wear shorts and dresses and sandals. I also finally got around to scanning the last of my giant pile of old film photos tonight (ok, some of these are from this last summer too). I have specific scents tied to certain seasons in certain areas. In the valley during the summer it smells like moist earth and flowers and sunshine. But in Bend during the summer, it smells like rivers and lakes and pine needles. Oh, and waffle cones, summer smells like waffle cones. (or rather, I have smelt like waffle cones for the past three summers)

In my mind...

2010-04-11T01:39:00.000-07:00

When I daydream, this is where my mind wanders to...

A place where I live in a house like this...

Or this...

That is near the ocean...

Or maybe a lake...

Has windows like this...

Is in a forest like this...

Or this...

Or even this.

That is most definitely near a river I can canoe on and go swimming in...

And near adorable curiosity shops.

Of course there are lots of other little things that my head wanders through that I can't show you... mostly because there aren't pictures of them, at least not that I'm aware of.

Click on the photos to see where they're from.

Summer

2010-04-10T20:19:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe how amazing this photo is. It's my definition of summer... after today's weather, I know summer is on its way, but oh, strawberries... when will you return?

found here.

Dad's

2010-04-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend with my dad, and some parts of his property out in the middle of nowhere are truly magical... as evidenced above. I took these at twilight, with the last of the light for the day, I wish there had been more light so I could show you more of his place.

Marsh's Free Museum

2010-04-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

A week ago I went to the Coast and on Saturday we drove up to Long Beach, Washington. To play laser tag and visit Marsh's Free Museum. I had never been and I have to say, I was quite fascinated. It's one of those places that was called a museum in the early 20th century but is really just a building full of random curiosities from around the world. Most notably, Jake (see the last photo).

I actually watched a documentary about how they make shrunken heads once.

I have this thing about antlers... I think they're slightly amazing.

I am oh so glad I never had to make sodas with something like this.

A friendly Polar Bear, I think he looks like he wants to hug you goodbye. (This is over the door)

This sounds like the kind of political slogan I would come up with... probably why I'm not in politics...

And, finally, the reason we went to the Marsh's in the first place... Jake, the Alligator-Man.

Hello

2010-04-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend had quite a few surprises behind it (both bad and good). I'll tell you all about it with lots more pictures later when I have less schoolwork to get done. I got new shoes... again... I really love the light at twilight (I feel so dirty using that word now... thanks a lot Stephanie Meyer).

Recently

2010-04-01T00:31:00.000-07:00

I received a free Pictoral Webster's poster in the mail. I'm in love with the illustration... how did they randomly send me such an appropriate one? I also made a really boring cardboard box a little prettier with some origami paper and a paper bag. Nothing all that exciting just little things that excite me. I have to admit that right now I am a little to excited for a study project I'm working on... I'm making a wall of human skeletal anatomy! I know... not many people find this all that exciting (it makes me want to jump up and down with excitement), in fact some might even say it's creepy. I doubt anyone will really know what they are though, I really can't draw well. I mean when an art teacher tells you you can't draw, you know you really can't draw.

Softness

2010-03-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

Rain makes the light so soft. And me so sleepy.

Phone

2010-03-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

Because I've had a lack of remembering my camera or lack of desire to take pictures lately, these are some things that I snapped on my phone over the past month or so. They aren't all that exciting, just some fabric I picked up to make my brother handkerchiefs with, a snowglobe on Shawn's windowsill, a building with an old 7-up ad on it, and my headphones on a table in the library.

Calm

2010-03-25T00:52:00.000-07:00

I really love the stillness of black and white photos right now. I'm exhausted right now, but after trying to sleep for an hour, I just can't get my mind to be quiet. There are too many things swirling around it right now. It's raining out. It started just as I was getting back to my building. I had to wait for the train earlier, I'm glad it wasn't raining then, even if I did have an umbrella. I've been tired and a little grumpy lately. Not too grumpy though, just the "I don't really want to be around people for so much of my spring break doing things that are exhausting over and over again" kind of grumpiness. (I'll bet you didn't know that was a type of grumpiness - it totally is) My knees are bruised. I feel like I've been beaten... but really, it's my own fault for letting myself get so out of shape. I'm going to try and sleep now. But really, I've been so so happy the past few days, I keep singing and laughing to myself while I walk by myself to the train station at night. Luckily there isn't usually anyone around to think I'm crazy.

2010-03-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts and things I found floating around my computer:

I want to hug mountains.

"Details of the frog's sex life is to be published in the journal The American Naturalist." Thank you world for making me think this frog is a celebrity and The American Naturalist is simply the amphibian version of a tabloid. Don't you just love seeing how pop-culture has altered your mind sometimes?

10. Berries (especially strawberries)

(that one is from a list of 10 things I loved this summer... I don't understand how they ended up last)

That is all.

. 2 . a . m .

2010-03-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

This spring break is already quite different than the one I had last year. I've spent a lot of time thinking about things, well really I've been doing that a lot lately anyway, but without school it's all I've been doing. That sounded really vague, sorry. I don't like to throw myself out there, so that's all you get on that. I'm not going home this year (which makes it similar to last year) I'm staying in Portland (which makes it different than last year). Portland makes me miss the woods. Maybe I'll have to take an early morning walk in Forest Park, since that's really the closest I'm going to get to woods right now. For some reason break is really the wrong word for how I'm going to spend a lot of the next week, but hopefully it will all pay off. Hopefully everything works out, I mean that in more ways than one (and I say that to let people ponder the mysteries of my mind). I really, nerdily, cannot wait for next term so be prepared ahead of time to hear all about the nerdy misadventures of the basement (I have two classes in a row down there, well actually one is in the sub-basement). There might be some changes around here. I haven't decided yet.

Spring Break

2010-03-20T22:53:00.001-07:00

It's spring break. I need a job. For some reason I don't have anything to talk about right now. I'm about to start my laundry. Yesterday I was a white rabbit, tomorrow I am going to see Alice in Wonderland. I am excited for life. My good friend Jenni took this.

2010-03-17T01:03:00.001-07:00

These remind me of spring and summer... when I get to spend months looking like I have the worst cold in the world... thanks allergies and Portland, you make a great team. However sunshine does make me happy... it's a confusing situation.

I don't know where the first two came from... oops... but here's the last one's link.

My To Do List

2010-03-16T00:07:00.000-07:00

Here's a better explanation of Elliott's project (see my last post) as well as my contribution to it. First, you simply create a To Do List, it can be artistic or just jotted down on a piece of paper. Optionally: include the url to the project, to show the strangers that will encounter your list what it's all about. Then leave your list in a public space to be found by these strangers, and hopefully they will participate in the project as well. Make sure you take a photo of your project and send them to Elliott at thetodolistproject@gmail.com, when you send it, make sure to mark it as either created or found. Of course you don't have to, but it's always great to include a little bit about who you are and where you left/found the list. Please don't use this to promote your own political agenda, it's meant to be a fun project!

Alright, now about my list (as seen in the horrible pictures above). It is a list that really, in my view, encompasses me as a person in general. I'm not going to tell you exactly where I put it but I will give you a hint... I climbed a tree on the PSU campus, bordering the park blocks... go look for it! I hope to make this kind of a monthly way for me to reflect on my life, I think it's a brilliant idea and I really hope that other people take part in it. If anyone else decides to make a list, you should let me know!

If you want more information, once again, go here.

To Do Lists

2010-03-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

I love lists, so when my friend Elliott announced this project I was really excited to create my own list and share the idea with other people. Basically the idea is to create a To Do List and then place or leave it in a public place. Find out more through the link below. In addition to coming up with this project Elliott and his friend Monique run a blog which is mostly full of comic books, creative writing, and the things they hate. I encourage everyone to participate in this, it should be tons of fun.

Check it out: their blog, The "To Do List" Project

Today

2010-03-13T14:33:00.000-08:00

I am currently in Bend, watching my younger brother for the weekend. I love the light in my parent's house.

Cold

2010-03-10T23:35:00.000-08:00

It's that feeling. The feeling when you just got out of the shower and your hair is still wet. The feeling of cold water dripping down your back, along the knobs of your spine. When you look at yourself and see a river of veins instead of skin. That's what it's like. That's what spiraling away is like. That's what life is.

I'm freezing and really just sick of school. Sometimes I don't know why I keep going or why I want to go to more school after this.

this isn't my photo. see.

Nothing

2010-03-09T00:12:00.000-08:00

I have a class at eight tomorrow, yet I'm not asleep. I've been so uninspired lately. One day I'll get my film developed (it's turning into quite the pile) just so I have new pictures to share with you. So since I don't have anything new, I'll just give you another ridiculously old photo to ponder. In other news, I really dislike when people ask me if I speak German well. Of course I don't. I can barely speak English properly.

What I do when I'm bored...

2010-03-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

make really horrible stop animation

the song is LCD Soundsystem - Get Innocuous!

2010-03-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

Although I've been busy with school, I have had the most amazing dreams lately. The kind that make me want to stay in bed and go back to sleep so they can continue and I don't have to deal with life anymore. I'm not feeling all that great right now, so I might just spend the weekend in bed, trying to keep from getting sick.

source

School... bleh.

2010-03-03T18:38:00.000-08:00

I'm so sick of this week, I don't have enough time for everything I'm supposed to be doing. I can't spell anymore. I can't even think anymore. Even going for a swim didn't help. I feel like a snowball rolling down a hill, I keep gathering more and more stuff and then eventually I'm going to hit a tree or a wall or something and break apart into a zillion pieces. On the bright side, after tomorrow all of the stuff I've gathered up should start to melt away (if we want to stay with the stupid snowball idea). In other words I'm a giant ball of stress and it isn't going to get better for a while, but it will start getting a little bit better after tomorrow.

In other news, my brother and I have been sending each other random pictures to try and make each other jealous throughout the day lately, it's pretty entertaining. He just sent a picture of Tang and I countered with a girl scout cookie. Yesterday though he sent me a picture of murdered snowmen, which I just couldn't possibly counter. Speaking of Tang... does anyone else remember those random commercials with the Orangutans for Tang? I never understood why there were Orangutans until a couple of years ago (which I know is pathetic, but it's not as if that is how you actually should pronounce it or anything).

Sorry... I'm rambling... This is me trying to avoid writing a "term paper" (when you have two weeks to do all the research and write it is that really a term paper? I think it's more of a final project that could have used the entire term to actually be a good project). Right, I'll stop boring everyone with all the things that are flying around my head.

Lenses

2010-03-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons that I love my film camera is actually the lens, it just is so much better at making things look how I'm seeing them. In addition to this the look of film is just unbeatable, I can never get my digital photos, even with editing, to look exactly how I want them to look. Because of this I've decided to by an adapter so I can at least use the lens I love on a camera that doesn't cost me money to see the pictures. Sorry film, I just don't have money right now (hence the growing collection of film to be developed sitting on the counter). I think showing people how I see things is important and I want to be able to do it as well as I can... maybe this will help. (oh the top photo is digital, the bottom photo is film)

Goodness Gracious

2010-02-28T18:22:00.000-08:00

Dear life,

Could you stop sending me surprises that make my life harder when I'm busy with other stuff? It would be really great. I seriously don't know what to think right now. I need the term to be over, then you can all tell me all the things that just freak me out. Is everyone ok with that? Are we all agreed? I think it's a darn good idea at least.

Thanks!

Sydney

Curls

2010-02-28T02:28:00.000-08:00

I put my hair into pin-curls earlier tonight, simply to try something new, I mean my hair is straight as a stick and hates curling irons, I might as well try and get it to do something else. I couldn't sleep and so decided to take out the pins a bit early, which was probably a good idea, now I can let the curls calm down a bit. Since my hair is pretty short they kind of went out of control, yet I have to say I'm enjoying having curly hair right now, even if it never happens again. Oh and I know that I look like an old lady in that picture, but trust me, I look better there than in any of the others since it was 2 in the morning and there were giant bags under my eyes.

Some Thoughts

2010-02-27T00:15:00.000-08:00

I’ll keep my eyes open so long as you don’t mind. I’ll keep them open and searching. Looking for something new, something I haven’t seen before. But I think, for the most part, I’ve seen this before… I’ve seen this all before. I’m waiting for the cat to jump out from behind a wall, for some surprise to enter into the fragile existence of life. It won’t though. It all just stays the same. Each day passing like the ticking of a clock. Until one day, it stops. We’ll wind it up again when that day comes. Wind our selves with the little silver keys. The ones we each received when we were young, when we learned the truth. That in childhood you make all your discoveries, after that it is simply repeated. Digging the same holes in the same earth, yearning for the same answers, the same destination. This is why everything is so familiar, why we’ve seen this all before. But still we do it, winding ourselves up, starting it all over again. So if I never found the bones, will I never find them in this life? No, I think not. I hope that I might, that things may change, that this unending repetition may end. I’m hoping for the surprise, but we all know that hope is not enough. Nothing is enough to end the rotation of events, the endless spiral that is our lives.

Unedited and raw. This is how I have felt and thought lately

Envy

2010-02-26T14:47:00.000-08:00

I feel like I spent a good portion of my childhood travelling by car through the Pacific Northwest, especially Oregon, but there were some trips into Washington and northern California thrown in there too. Because of this and the fact that I can't sleep in cars (anymore, as a baby, according to my parents, I could and did) I spent a lot of time gazing at the scenery that we passed and imagining that I lived in it or wishing I could stop and take photos of it, because it was all so breathtaking to me. It really still is quite breathtaking, but I've realized I'll feel that way no matter where I go (not that I've really done much travelling outside the Northwest). I recently discovered the photographer Anna Shelton who takes gorgeously dreamy photos of the Northwest, and I think (though I'm not entirely sure) that many of them come from road trips. This makes me quite envious of her, I think that if I had a car or was more motivated to travel long distances by bike, I might be more inclined to do something like this, however... neither of those is going to happen anytime soon, I'll just have to keep dreaming...

Anna's flickr.

Puzzles

2010-02-25T00:32:00.000-08:00

This is the first Wednesday in a long time that I haven't picked up the Willamette Week for their crossword. I just plain old forgot about it today. Not that it matters, I can do it another day, it isn't going anywhere. I'm not even very good at them, it's just become a nice routine. I come home from classes and attempt to do the crossword, very unsuccessfully most of the time. It's a nice break from schoolwork that keeps me thinking about other things.

My brother took this picture of me starting a crossword a couple of years ago.

True

2010-02-22T23:19:00.000-08:00

I want to be like the sea lions,

I want to spend my days in the ocean,

Watching the light turn the water into the most brilliant shades

Of green and blue.

I want it to be true.

I want it all to be true,

And I want to know,

I want to know everything there is to know,

At least about you.

I can't help myself

2010-02-22T02:00:00.000-08:00

I am a nostalgic person, I dwell on the past far too much, and I often leave out the not-so-nice parts. It's part of why I'm studying archaeology, I get to look at other people's pasts. Maybe if I look at other people's pasts I won't look at mine quite so much. Maybe it will be like how I am with cleaning and organizing... always other people's things, never my own. I just want the next five terms of school to be over. Then I'll be done with school... hopefully. But I need to focus on right now, not the past and not the future, this is such a problem. I'm never present. Randomly I just remembered that when I was little, I dreamed of becoming the stereotypical absent-minded academic. I think I might be on my way there.

Tap

2010-02-22T00:27:00.000-08:00

When I was young I wanted to dance... dance until the end of time. Not delicate ballet but the precise yet graceful tap. I wanted to be a tap dancer. But I decided to be academic instead, I quit dancing and now, especially lately for some reason, my soul seems to be longing for that rhythm, that expression, that one thing I was never god-awful at.

Can you tell I'm trying to avoid finishing my homework and apparently don't care about sleep tonight?

source

This Weekend

2010-02-21T23:21:00.000-08:00

In addition to coffee on Friday my weekend included many things... a trip to the coast with my oldest and one of my best friends, a moment of realization that led to a temporary breakdown, a day of recovery in bed following said breakdown, spending time getting to know someone I'm going to spend five minutes speaking in German in front of a class with, making up an experience for my homework. Overall it was a good weekend, there was plenty of sunshine and I got out of my apartment for a good portion of it. I'm working on being better about that. I'll have more pictures from the coast when I get some film developed... so soonish.

Movie

2010-02-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

I seem to have a knack for picking movies that make me lonely. The most recent is Brideshead Revisited, although I have heard the book is much better (and the book is also on my long list of things to read), I still enjoy this movie.

Coffee

2010-02-19T18:37:00.000-08:00

Went to coffee with an old friend at Stumptown in the Ace Hotel. Have a good weekend!

Spring

2010-02-18T22:20:00.000-08:00

First off, some nerdy camera stuff, if you don't want to hear about it I suggest you go to the next paragraph... Anyone notice how much less noise these have than other pictures I've taken recently? I do... mostly because I know why that is. I realized tonight that my camera was set on the highest iso possible... oops! This just shows that I should really pay attention to ALL the settings when I take a photo. Anyway, that's that.

Ok, not nerdy camera stuff: I know that this year is El Nino, I can even explain what causes it (thanks to a not-so-great class presentation earlier this week), but I just can't stand that spring is here. I feel like winter never happened. I think it's mostly because I wanted tons and tons of snow this year for winter and I never really got it. It's too bad I haven't been on the east coast lately, I would have been ecstatic with all that snow. Nonetheless, I still like flowers and if I get to see flowers more this year than usual, I guess that's ok. I picked these ones tonight on the way back from the pool.

London

2010-02-17T16:08:00.000-08:00

One thing I've always dreamed of is to go to London. I'm not really sure where this desire came from but it's always been there. Looking Brian Ferry's photos makes me want to go even more. Eventually I'll make it there... I started looking at a grad school in London... not that I would get in anytime soon, but I can dream, can't I?

Check out Brian's blog and flickr.

A night with no sleep

2010-02-16T00:39:00.000-08:00

Oh the joys of being in college... last night I didn't sleep because I had a horrible headache all day which prevented me from getting the paper I had saved to occupy me on Valentine's Day started until 10pm. First, no the headache had nothing to do with alcohol. Second, when I say I started a paper at 10pm, I mean that I started finishing the reading the paper was on at 10pm. Needless to say, there is always a grand adventure to be had when you're up the entire night (I literally finished my paper just in time to take a shower and go to class). I drank tea to stay up, made some banana oatmeal, realized halfway through my bowl of oatmeal that I was tasting the banana and I don't like bananas all that much. I also made my brother a handkerchief? I don't know how that got done...

Dreams

2010-02-14T00:27:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel. I want a magical place or time or something to escape to. I'm not sure there's anything here for me anymore, but there must be. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. Sorry for the unhappy mood of this. I just want my dreams to come true, to find fairies, boys that never grow up, sailboats, meadows, blue skies, snow, oceans, forests that are alive and never-ending, animals that can talk to me, rivers that are always the right temperature for swimming (and have perfect swimming holes), tree houses, old beautiful things, and all sorts of other things that live in my head. I want everyone to be able to see all the places that are hidden away in my head, to hear all the stories that have been told from there. I just haven't found out how to do that yet, and it frustrates me. I feel like when I try to talk with people they won't ever really know what I'm talking about because it isn't really real, it's all just in my head. I need to get out of my head though, there's an entire world that is full of equally, if not more, beautiful, fantastic, gorgeous places, things, and people. I want to see all of those things, I feel like my life is missing that. Maybe I'm just too much of a dreamer.

Happy Friday

2010-02-12T14:42:00.000-08:00

I want to be out enjoying warm sunny days or sitting at home enjoying a good book. Unfortunately, I'm bored in the library (I'm supposed to be reading some texts that clearly needed an editor to make them less confusing).

I hope everyone else is a little less bored looking than I am right now. It is finally the weekend, afterall.

sources: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Favorites

2010-02-10T19:16:00.001-08:00

These are some of my favorite things: Peter Pan, cameras, colored pencils, books in general really, and beautiful light.

I posted some more honestly photos.

Honestly Part 2

2010-02-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

Oops! I forgot to say a few things in my original post, so I thought I would mention them now. Some of the things are more just things I regret not saying at some specific point in my life, things that I can't say now, but others are just random general things. Also, you can find a few more photos from the series on my flickr.