A River Runs Through It

Growing up I remember that there was a book of my dad's on fly-fishing. It was always out somewhere. I don't ever remember my dad going fly-fishing growing up but I know he had all the equipment for it, a fairly nice pole, flys that my aunt (his sister) had made him, and even the hat. When I was in high school I learned to fly-fish in one of my classes, I even caught a fish. It was a rewarding and new experience and I wish that I had had the opportunity to do it at some time earlier in my life. I just watched A River Runs Through It for the first time, and I am surprised that I had not seen it before. I'm sure it's a movie my dad likes, so much of it reminds me of him and also of what I want my life to be like eventually. I'm not the kind of person who loves living in a city. I like it, it's fun and there are some things that are great about it, but really I want to live in the woods one day. Just be out there away from people with the trees and a river and some mountains and live. Just enjoy the parts of the world where I feel most at home. I think that's something that my dad and I have in common, although we've never really spoken about it, I think he prefers to be outside, away from people. As I've gotten older I've come to realize that I'm a lot more like him than I ever thought, but there are some things about him that I will never be like. When it comes to fly fishing though I want to do more of it, I want to be out in the woods more, I don't want to spend all my time in the city.

I can't help myself

I am a nostalgic person, I dwell on the past far too much, and I often leave out the not-so-nice parts. It's part of why I'm studying archaeology, I get to look at other people's pasts. Maybe if I look at other people's pasts I won't look at mine quite so much. Maybe it will be like how I am with cleaning and organizing... always other people's things, never my own. I just want the next five terms of school to be over. Then I'll be done with school... hopefully. But I need to focus on right now, not the past and not the future, this is such a problem. I'm never present. Randomly I just remembered that when I was little, I dreamed of becoming the stereotypical absent-minded academic. I think I might be on my way there.

Tap

When I was young I wanted to dance... dance until the end of time. Not delicate ballet but the precise yet graceful tap. I wanted to be a tap dancer. But I decided to be academic instead, I quit dancing and now, especially lately for some reason, my soul seems to be longing for that rhythm, that expression, that one thing I was never god-awful at.

Can you tell I'm trying to avoid finishing my homework and apparently don't care about sleep tonight?

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Memories

Sometimes I look through all my old pictures and I am amazed at what I was able to take as a kid. I think part of it is that I don't look at the giant stacks of pictures that aren't that great, and another part is that for a couple of years I had access to free film and free developing, so I just snapped away. But the days I took the best pictures were when I was trying to remember places I hadn't ever been before. These were all taken when I was really young, I think maybe between 8 and 11? I feel like they're somehow better than the pictures I take now, like I've lost something that made them better. Maybe it's because I have so many memories associated with these pictures.