Down

We're down and out on the streets tonight

No money in our pockets

Just a paper for our blanket.

We hang our hearts and tears out to dry

And they shake in the rasping branches

Of the winter trees.

Our memories are hiding 

In the bruises that cover our backs and knees

As the blood is gushing below

Held back by the translucent skins.

I don't know what I'm thinking tonight, maybe it's the rain that's getting to me, I'm just not sure. Ignore my ramblings. I have pictures from a couple weeks ago that I've been meaning to post, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. 

In my mind...

When I daydream, this is where my mind wanders to...

A place where I live in a house like this...

Or this...

That is near the ocean...

Or maybe a lake...

Has windows like this...

Is in a forest like this...

Or this...

Or even this.

That is most definitely near a river I can canoe on and go swimming in...

And near adorable curiosity shops.

Of course there are lots of other little things that my head wanders through that I can't show you... mostly because there aren't pictures of them, at least not that I'm aware of. 

Click on the photos to see where they're from.

Calm

I really love the stillness of black and white photos right now. I'm exhausted right now, but after trying to sleep for an hour, I just can't get my mind to be quiet. There are too many things swirling around it right now. It's raining out. It started just as I was getting back to my building. I had to wait for the train earlier, I'm glad it wasn't raining then, even if I did have an umbrella. I've been tired and a little grumpy lately. Not too grumpy though, just the "I don't really want to be around people for so much of my spring break doing things that are exhausting over and over again" kind of grumpiness. (I'll bet you didn't know that was a type of grumpiness - it totally is) My knees are bruised. I feel like I've been beaten... but really, it's my own fault for letting myself get so out of shape. I'm going to try and sleep now. But really, I've been so so happy the past few days, I keep singing and laughing to myself while I walk by myself to the train station at night. Luckily there isn't usually anyone around to think I'm crazy.

Cold

It's that feeling. The feeling when you just got out of the shower and your hair is still wet. The feeling of cold water dripping down your back, along the knobs of your spine. When you look at yourself and see a river of veins instead of skin. That's what it's like. That's what spiraling away is like. That's what life is.

I'm freezing and really just sick of school. Sometimes I don't know why I keep going or why I want to go to more school after this.

this isn't my photo. see.

Envy

I feel like I spent a good portion of my childhood travelling by car through the Pacific Northwest, especially Oregon, but there were some trips into Washington and northern California thrown in there too. Because of this and the fact that I can't sleep in cars (anymore, as a baby, according to my parents, I could and did) I spent a lot of time gazing at the scenery that we passed and imagining that I lived in it or wishing I could stop and take photos of it, because it was all so breathtaking to me. It really still is quite breathtaking, but I've realized I'll feel that way no matter where I go (not that I've really done much travelling outside the Northwest). I recently discovered the photographer Anna Shelton who takes gorgeously dreamy photos of the Northwest, and I think (though I'm not entirely sure) that many of them come from road trips. This makes me quite envious of her, I think that if I had a car or was more motivated to travel long distances by bike, I might be more inclined to do something like this, however... neither of those is going to happen anytime soon, I'll just have to keep dreaming...

Anna's flickr.

Tap

When I was young I wanted to dance... dance until the end of time. Not delicate ballet but the precise yet graceful tap. I wanted to be a tap dancer. But I decided to be academic instead, I quit dancing and now, especially lately for some reason, my soul seems to be longing for that rhythm, that expression, that one thing I was never god-awful at.

Can you tell I'm trying to avoid finishing my homework and apparently don't care about sleep tonight?

source

London

One thing I've always dreamed of is to go to London. I'm not really sure where this desire came from but it's always been there. Looking Brian Ferry's photos makes me want to go even more. Eventually I'll make it there... I started looking at a grad school in London... not that I would get in anytime soon, but I can dream, can't I?

Check out Brian's blog and flickr.

Honestly Part 2

Oops! I forgot to say a few things in my original post, so I thought I would mention them now. Some of the things are more just things I regret not saying at some specific point in my life, things that I can't say now, but others are just random general things. Also, you can find a few more photos from the series on my flickr.

A Favorite

One of my favorite photos by one of my current favorite photographers, Annette Pehrsson. I love this picture, but it makes me a little bit sad right now.

Find more: flickr, blog, website

I just deleted almost 200 photos from my flickr. It felt so good.

I may disappear for a while, this weekend brought lots of things... I don't really know what to think right now.

sources: 1. 2.

Strange

I'm missing the colors of autumn. Maybe it's just because it's been raining so much here. I just want that feeling back (not that I think I really felt much of autumn this year).

In other news:

Have you seen the movie Amelie? It's adorable, I watched it over the winter break and I would recommend it to everyone.

Drifting

I know I should be sleeping, there is no excuse for why I'm not currently dreaming away. But I am dreaming, I'm dreaming of autumn, of being free to travel, of seeing everything, of doing everything that I dream of accomplishing in my life. I want it all to happen now, but that would be way too easy. I guess I won't have to wait much longer for autumn to arrive, at least one of my dreams is coming true soon.

Sources: 1 (via). 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Some Nerdiness

So tonight I have been quite nerdy, more so than usual. I spent the last hour and a half or so listening to this fascinating lecture on the extinction of languages and a specific tribe of South America. As someone planning on studying anthropology I found this extremely interesting, because their culture is so different from any that I have ever heard of, perhaps I should be a nerd more often, or perhaps their culture is truly full of completely unique concepts. I'm sure they are completely unique, but they were quite fascinating to me and the information about linguistics and their language was very interesting as well.

Now, to be a little bit less nerdy, I also found some lovely photos on flickr today, enjoy.

welcome, ghosts

buttonmoOon

Laurence 2 (and more of her work here)

sandra juto

I'm beginning to long for autumn, I think those photos reflect that. I can't wait to get all my warm clothes out again.

Sneaking

As I was looking around flickr today, trying to find some inspiration for this, I came across this photo by one of my favorite flickr-people-finds. I thought it was slightly appropriate after last nights post and the comment that was left on it. Perhaps I just have a strange sense of humor. I actually honestly wish I had antlers sometimes, it would make carrying things around so much easier and I would be so much less likely to forget things.

Anyway, I have to say that it is strange to have my parents back in the house (although it is their house, so it does make sense). They are light sleepers so if I am up and about after they have gone to bed I have to sneak around where ever I go. Normally, I like to sneak, but when there is an actual reason to... well it can get a little tiring. Like right now, I am really hungry, but I know that if I get up, go downstairs, search around the kitchen for something to eat, come back upstairs, eat, and then brush my teeth again; that I am bound to wake someone up. I'm just not stealthy enough for this. I guess this means I really should give up any hope of becoming a spy.

Darn.

There is something exciting happening tomorrow though! My brother is coming home to Bend to live. Now I'll have someone to go on adventures with when Shawn is busy doing something stupid (like working... who does that?). Not that I ever really go on real adventures anyway, but I like to consider anything I do an adventure, so having Dillon here simply means that I will have someone to help entertain me whenever I am bored. Anyway, in addition to this, I am going out to sushi tomorrow night, hopefully... and maybe doing something with Shawn at some point? I'm not exactly sure, planning out days ahead of time isn't exactly my forte. Oh, dear, I almost just made a really crappy band joke with that last comment, it's time for me to sleep.