What holds it all up

Being this close to something makes it hard to focus and concentrate. I just have two papers (one pretty short and the other comparatively long) until I'm finished with school. Most everyone I know is done with the term though. I miss taking photos, but I can't let myself get that distracted when I'm so close. 

This photo is from when I was out taking landscapes last term, I found the remains of something out in the snow and took a few photos of it (after I moved it onto a stump). I love the way they turned out.

News

I have some news....
I suppose pretty much anything I post would count as news since I've been so sporatic on this space lately. School and work and life have been keeping me really busy lately, but anyway, on to the news (there are several items, actually):


1. In just over a week I will have graduated with my Bachelor's of Science in Anthropology (if you know anyone who needs an anthropologist and is willing to pay let me know...)


2. Two days after my graduation, I will be going to China for two weeks with my grandma and cousin. I still can't believe this is actually going to be happening.


3. Portland (the entire state of Oregon, really) seems to have finally figured out that it should be summer right now and is finally having some nice weather. 


4. I'm finally, very slowly, getting around to scanning all my black and white film from my photo classes (the photos above are from a landscape project I did this winter).


5. Hopefully, I'll be getting a car soon... which means I can go camping... which means this summer will actually feel like summer.


That's really all that's been happening in my life (or at least all I'm willing to share on the internet). I'm hoping that now that I'm going to be done with school for a while, I'll try and post here more regularly.

Something New

This is what happens when you let some people use your camera and you don't really want your picture to be taken... and the boringness and lack of blogging present on this blog is what happens when said people make you very happy and distract you from doing your normal time-wasting activities. 


I'm graduating in June. I'm going to China in June. I'm working at the pool. I'm planning the adventure that I want to be my life. I'm coming up with all sorts of crazy ideas. I'm spending more time with friends and making new ones too. I'm starting to exercise again on Tuesday. I'm spending the free time I have previously spent in the student union trying not to fall asleep scanning and editing film. I want to be more productive. I want to feel like this last term was worthwhile. I want to have time to do all the photography projects floating around my head. I want to be able to articulate what I am feeling and thinking. I want an outlet for all my frustrations with life. 


I think I'll start writing here again, writing about the mundane life I lead in this damp, damp city. And hopefully that will encourage me to take more photos, not just photos for photos sake but actual photos that I can be proud of. 


In other news, my toothbrush recently found a mate. It has me blushing to myself.

It's been a while

I've been busy with school this term. It's just going to to keep happening next term too. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this space. I'm happy with my life right now. These photos are from the summer. I can't wait for next summer, for freedom. 

Firsts

There have been a lot of firsts in my life (everyone can say this, really). Most of them have led to something else happening. For better or for worse there is a first time for everything. This summer I shot black and white film for the first time and then at the end of the summer I got to develop and print that film. I finally began the long process of scanning all the film I took in that month or so. I feel like I really got something amazing added to my life with this particular first and I have what I think is a pretty cool idea for a photo series. I'll have more on that in a few months or so, for now, here are some of the first black and white photos I took on film, from before my class started, when I was just experimenting a little bit to try and get the hang of it.

It was a black and white summer for me, I feel like it in more ways than one.

School

So I started school this week (Hooray!) and although this term is going to require me memorizing an ungodly amount of things, I'm really looking forward to all my classes. I am still in the process of getting internet in my apartment so I haven't really been keeping up with any television shows or the news lately, but when I was reading some blogs today, I came across this post. It's short and simple and quite nerdy but I was quite excited about it... all it says is:

OMG! Sue Sylvester said "hominid!"


If you're interested in keeping up with current anthropology news (especially biological and paleoanthopolgy) check out the blog I got this from... here.

Huh...

Well, I still don't have everything packed to move later today, I need to do laundry, oh and I haven't even finished one of the two rolls of film I am supposed to have taken portraits on. The last one is mostly due to my lack of being around people.. I feel pathetic.

Busy

A random picture from the coast that I like...

A long and some-what boring rant-ish writing about my life as it is currently...


I'm not unhappy, just exhausted.. actually I'm pretty happy with my life right now, I just need to have a little more time somewhere so I can think about things and figure out what is coming next. Right now it seems as if I am living my life day by day. Most of the time I hardly know what it is coming the next day (or even what day it is). I'm enjoying my photography class and I've been taking pictures like mad but printing them myself in the darkroom is such a long process that I feel like I don't have much to show for all the photos I've been taking. Don't get me wrong, working in the darkroom is a really rewarding process. I probably would have been there at some point today if I wasn't out of paper. For our next assignment we have to take portraits which I'm a little worried about, just because I don't know who I'm going to take them of or when. I'm moving to a new apartment on Monday and not at all ready, but I have tomorrow free all day, so I think I'll be able to get some things done then. It just seems like I'm doing nothing but working, going to class, sleeping, and eating (occasionally, sometimes I seem to forget about this one) right now. Even on my days off that's all I feel like I'm doing (mostly because if I have a day off work, I still go to class/work in the darkroom/do homework/help people with things and when I have days off school, well I'm definitely working then). Luckily I should have a break soon. I'm not sure why I'm posting this right now... I just really need more time to have a life. I need to talk to people. 

Night

When I get tired I tend to like repetition. I repeat words over and over when I'm speaking or writing something and the same thoughts or bit of song will repeat in my head over and over. I try to avoid going to bed sometimes because of this, I don't want to give my mind time to settle down and find whatever is going to start repeating itself in my head. Especially when they turn out to be thoughts, because the thoughts that come around at this time of night, are the ones I spend the whole day trying not to think.

I started my photography class on Monday, I get to use the darkroom and actually develop and print my own work. I like it, I like seeing things all the way through a process, I like turning science into art. It's like magic. 

That is a pretty old photo up there.

A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

Illustrating

I might be a little too proud of this right now...

Endless

I am so disappointed in myself right now. I was finally not procrastinating anything for school for the first two-thirds of this summer term (I am never taking summer classes again! Not that I was planning to anyway, but I have come to that decision in case there is some future situation I'm not seeing right now). But these last couple of weeks I've been working even more and forgetting about schoolwork and well, just being lazy and procrastinating (cue profanity coming out of my mouth and being directed at myself). Considering I am getting pretty close to pulling an all-nighter (something I haven't actually done since last spring when I had a really really strange sleep schedule and it's not that I haven't stayed up through the night since then, it's that I've always gone to bed oh, sometime around now or in the next hour or so) and probably will pull an all-nighter I just can't help but being upset with myself. Especially because what I'm working on isn't difficult, it doesn't even really require much critical thinking, it is just ridiculously time-consuming. But it should turn out to be a pretty cool project once it's done. I'll post some pictures or something, because I don't really have anything else going on in my life and, well I feel bad just letting this blog sit here with nothing new on it. 

I have to say that if you made it through that without being completely confused by the side-tracks my mind takes or the way that I write them out... well, then you are amazing! 

August

I can't believe it's August already (and 9 days into it!). It's already started out as a hectic month for me, I have to find a new place to live by the end of the month, my classes are finishing up (I have finals this week) and my work schedules have been conflicting (which was entirely my fault). The good thing about August though is that it means my birthday is coming up (yay! I'll officially not be a teen anymore, that's about all that's exciting about turning 20) and that autumn is almost here (which is my favorite season) although the weather seems pretty determined to make August into an autumn month this year. 

Travels

Sometimes this is just too much.

I have this idea that someday I'll just pack what I need to live and go where ever I end up for a few months. Preferably in Europe. Maybe after I'm done with school... we'll see. I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year of school. I feel like my mind travels more than I ever will in my entire life.

Time

I've been playing around and falling in love with black and white photos lately. A good thing since I'm taking a black and white photography class later this summer. I really can't wait for it. I don't have a whole lot to say right now, just a lot of thinking and school and work going on.

Summer

I'm so glad that the weather has finally figured out that it's summer. It seems like it took ages. I'm also glad that I'm thinking I'll enjoy my classes this summer which will help with the whole not having a break thing. I'm trying to find a way to go camping or up into the woods to go hiking this summer because it's hard enough spending a summer without pine trees.

Bones

I love when you can see the bones under your skin. I love knowing that I know what each of them is. 

It's been a while since I've posted anything, I've been really busy with the end of the term and work, but now the term is over and I'm enjoying my little break before summer classes start up again. Hopefully I'll be around a bit more after this. 

1 Year

One year ago, I started this blog with murky ideas behind what I wanted it to be about. While I'm still a bit murky about what exactly this blog is supposed to be about, I have enjoyed the past year. I have ideas about what I would like to do with this space in the future. I would really like to be able to sell prints of my photos eventually. But that's something that takes time to get started, which is something I don't have all that much of right now with school going on. Hopefully though I'll be able to find some time. We'll have to see what the next year brings.