Moving

So.... I moved to a new apartment at the end of August. Said new apartment does not have internet (yet) so I haven't been able to post anything because I'm strange and don't want to blog in public... Right now I'm in Bend, visiting for a few days during my two-week summer break (I didn't think it would ever come). I'm not sure what I'm going to do while I'm here but hopefully there will be a lot of time spent outside and perhaps some hiking and definitely some tea. I'm excited for the next few days to pan out. Hopefully I'll get to see some people I haven't seen all summer too. I'll try to get some internet soon, mostly so that I can watch movies again, but also so I can post things on here.

Busy

A random picture from the coast that I like...

A long and some-what boring rant-ish writing about my life as it is currently...


I'm not unhappy, just exhausted.. actually I'm pretty happy with my life right now, I just need to have a little more time somewhere so I can think about things and figure out what is coming next. Right now it seems as if I am living my life day by day. Most of the time I hardly know what it is coming the next day (or even what day it is). I'm enjoying my photography class and I've been taking pictures like mad but printing them myself in the darkroom is such a long process that I feel like I don't have much to show for all the photos I've been taking. Don't get me wrong, working in the darkroom is a really rewarding process. I probably would have been there at some point today if I wasn't out of paper. For our next assignment we have to take portraits which I'm a little worried about, just because I don't know who I'm going to take them of or when. I'm moving to a new apartment on Monday and not at all ready, but I have tomorrow free all day, so I think I'll be able to get some things done then. It just seems like I'm doing nothing but working, going to class, sleeping, and eating (occasionally, sometimes I seem to forget about this one) right now. Even on my days off that's all I feel like I'm doing (mostly because if I have a day off work, I still go to class/work in the darkroom/do homework/help people with things and when I have days off school, well I'm definitely working then). Luckily I should have a break soon. I'm not sure why I'm posting this right now... I just really need more time to have a life. I need to talk to people. 

A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

Sunlight

I finally feel pretty moved in to my new place up in Portland (yes, I'm back in Portland, now you don't have to listen to me talk about moving anymore). There is a tree right outside my window that makes some pretty patterns with the afternoon sunlight all over my room, I'm in love with it right now. I am also enjoying my new plant, a cactus, which I have named Zeus. I haven't gotten around to putting anything on the walls so they are still starkly white, but there are no more boxes to be unpacked and almost everything has found at least a temporary place (until I feel like really organizing everything).

Little Pieces

I am anticipating my move back to Portland with excitement and dread. I am not looking forward to packing up my life again, and at the same time, I love moving into new spaces, making them beautiful and mine. And this time it will be even more fun because I know how much space I have to pack all of my random little things into and onto. I have this thing where I don't like to get rid of things... ever. In fact, there are still boxes sitting around my house that are full of all the stuff I am supposedly getting rid of, yet I keep taking things out of them to keep. Ok, I admit it... again... I am a packrat. But some of the little pieces of clutter I have make me so happy and are so beautiful, who wouldn't love them? The rest of the stuff... well that I keep just in case I need it for a project or something, or because I plan to make a project of some kind with them. I am planning on going on another camping trip tomorrow, I can't wait!