A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

Travels

Sometimes this is just too much.

I have this idea that someday I'll just pack what I need to live and go where ever I end up for a few months. Preferably in Europe. Maybe after I'm done with school... we'll see. I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year of school. I feel like my mind travels more than I ever will in my entire life.

School... bleh.

I'm so sick of this week, I don't have enough time for everything I'm supposed to be doing. I can't spell anymore. I can't even think anymore. Even going for a swim didn't help. I feel like a snowball rolling down a hill, I keep gathering more and more stuff and then eventually I'm going to hit a tree or a wall or something and break apart into a zillion pieces. On the bright side, after tomorrow all of the stuff I've gathered up should start to melt away (if we want to stay with the stupid snowball idea). In other words I'm a giant ball of stress and it isn't going to get better for a while, but it will start getting a little bit better after tomorrow.

In other news, my brother and I have been sending each other random pictures to try and make each other jealous throughout the day lately, it's pretty entertaining. He just sent a picture of Tang and I countered with a girl scout cookie. Yesterday though he sent me a picture of murdered snowmen, which I just couldn't possibly counter. Speaking of Tang... does anyone else remember those random commercials with the Orangutans for Tang? I never understood why there were Orangutans until a couple of years ago (which I know is pathetic, but it's not as if that is how you actually should pronounce it or anything).

Sorry... I'm rambling... This is me trying to avoid writing a "term paper" (when you have two weeks to do all the research and write it is that really a term paper? I think it's more of a final project that could have used the entire term to actually be a good project). Right, I'll stop boring everyone with all the things that are flying around my head.

Goodness Gracious

Dear life,

Could you stop sending me surprises that make my life harder when I'm busy with other stuff? It would be really great. I seriously don't know what to think right now. I need the term to be over, then you can all tell me all the things that just freak me out. Is everyone ok with that? Are we all agreed? I think it's a darn good idea at least.

Thanks!

Sydney