Softness

Rain makes the light so soft. And me so sleepy.

Phone

Because I've had a lack of remembering my camera or lack of desire to take pictures lately, these are some things that I snapped on my phone over the past month or so. They aren't all that exciting, just some fabric I picked up to make my brother handkerchiefs with, a snowglobe on Shawn's windowsill, a building with an old 7-up ad on it, and my headphones on a table in the library. 

Calm

I really love the stillness of black and white photos right now. I'm exhausted right now, but after trying to sleep for an hour, I just can't get my mind to be quiet. There are too many things swirling around it right now. It's raining out. It started just as I was getting back to my building. I had to wait for the train earlier, I'm glad it wasn't raining then, even if I did have an umbrella. I've been tired and a little grumpy lately. Not too grumpy though, just the "I don't really want to be around people for so much of my spring break doing things that are exhausting over and over again" kind of grumpiness. (I'll bet you didn't know that was a type of grumpiness - it totally is) My knees are bruised. I feel like I've been beaten... but really, it's my own fault for letting myself get so out of shape. I'm going to try and sleep now. But really, I've been so so happy the past few days, I keep singing and laughing to myself while I walk by myself to the train station at night. Luckily there isn't usually anyone around to think I'm crazy.

Random thoughts and things I found floating around my computer:

I want to hug mountains.

"Details of the frog's sex life is to be published in the journal The American Naturalist." Thank you world for making me think this frog is a celebrity and The American Naturalist is simply the amphibian version of a tabloid. Don't you just love seeing how pop-culture has altered your mind sometimes?

10. Berries (especially strawberries)

(that one is from a list of 10 things I loved this summer... I don't understand how they ended up last)

That is all.

. 2 . a . m .

This spring break is already quite different than the one I had last year. I've spent a lot of time thinking about things, well really I've been doing that a lot lately anyway, but without school it's all I've been doing. That sounded really vague, sorry. I don't like to throw myself out there, so that's all you get on that. I'm not going home this year (which makes it similar to last year) I'm staying in Portland (which makes it different than last year). Portland makes me miss the woods. Maybe I'll have to take an early morning walk in Forest Park, since that's really the closest I'm going to get to woods right now. For some reason break is really the wrong word for how I'm going to spend a lot of the next week, but hopefully it will all pay off. Hopefully everything works out, I mean that in more ways than one (and I say that to let people ponder the mysteries of my mind). I really, nerdily, cannot wait for next term so be prepared ahead of time to hear all about the nerdy misadventures of the basement (I have two classes in a row down there, well actually one is in the sub-basement). There might be some changes around here. I haven't decided yet.

Spring Break

It's spring break. I need a job. For some reason I don't have anything to talk about right now. I'm about to start my laundry. Yesterday I was a white rabbit, tomorrow I am going to see Alice in Wonderland. I am excited for life. My good friend Jenni took this.

These remind me of spring and summer... when I get to spend months looking like I have the worst cold in the world... thanks allergies and Portland, you make a great team. However sunshine does make me happy... it's a confusing situation.

I don't know where the first two came from... oops... but here's the last one's link.

My To Do List

Here's a better explanation of Elliott's project (see my last post) as well as my contribution to it. First, you simply create a To Do List, it can be artistic or just jotted down on a piece of paper. Optionally: include the url to the project, to show the strangers that will encounter your list what it's all about. Then leave your list in a public space to be found by these strangers, and hopefully they will participate in the project as well. Make sure you take a photo of your project and send them to Elliott at thetodolistproject@gmail.com, when you send it, make sure to mark it as either created or found. Of course you don't have to, but it's always great to include a little bit about who you are and where you left/found the list. Please don't use this to promote your own political agenda, it's meant to be a fun project!

Alright, now about my list (as seen in the horrible pictures above). It is a list that really, in my view, encompasses me as a person in general. I'm not going to tell you exactly where I put it but I will give you a hint... I climbed a tree on the PSU campus, bordering the park blocks... go look for it! I hope to make this kind of a monthly way for me to reflect on my life, I think it's a brilliant idea and I really hope that other people take part in it. If anyone else decides to make a list, you should let me know!

If you want more information, once again, go here.

To Do Lists

I love lists, so when my friend Elliott announced this project I was really excited to create my own list and share the idea with other people. Basically the idea is to create a To Do List and then place or leave it in a public place. Find out more through the link below. In addition to coming up with this project Elliott and his friend Monique run a blog which is mostly full of comic books, creative writing, and the things they hate. I encourage everyone to participate in this, it should be tons of fun.

Check it out: their blog, The "To Do List" Project

Today

I am currently in Bend, watching my younger brother for the weekend. I love the light in my parent's house.

Cold

It's that feeling. The feeling when you just got out of the shower and your hair is still wet. The feeling of cold water dripping down your back, along the knobs of your spine. When you look at yourself and see a river of veins instead of skin. That's what it's like. That's what spiraling away is like. That's what life is.

I'm freezing and really just sick of school. Sometimes I don't know why I keep going or why I want to go to more school after this.

this isn't my photo. see.

Nothing

I have a class at eight tomorrow, yet I'm not asleep. I've been so uninspired lately. One day I'll get my film developed (it's turning into quite the pile) just so I have new pictures to share with you. So since I don't have anything new, I'll just give you another ridiculously old photo to ponder. In other news, I really dislike when people ask me if I speak German well. Of course I don't. I can barely speak English properly.

What I do when I'm bored...

make really horrible stop animation

the song is LCD Soundsystem - Get Innocuous!

Although I've been busy with school, I have had the most amazing dreams lately. The kind that make me want to stay in bed and go back to sleep so they can continue and I don't have to deal with life anymore. I'm not feeling all that great right now, so I might just spend the weekend in bed, trying to keep from getting sick.

source

School... bleh.

I'm so sick of this week, I don't have enough time for everything I'm supposed to be doing. I can't spell anymore. I can't even think anymore. Even going for a swim didn't help. I feel like a snowball rolling down a hill, I keep gathering more and more stuff and then eventually I'm going to hit a tree or a wall or something and break apart into a zillion pieces. On the bright side, after tomorrow all of the stuff I've gathered up should start to melt away (if we want to stay with the stupid snowball idea). In other words I'm a giant ball of stress and it isn't going to get better for a while, but it will start getting a little bit better after tomorrow.

In other news, my brother and I have been sending each other random pictures to try and make each other jealous throughout the day lately, it's pretty entertaining. He just sent a picture of Tang and I countered with a girl scout cookie. Yesterday though he sent me a picture of murdered snowmen, which I just couldn't possibly counter. Speaking of Tang... does anyone else remember those random commercials with the Orangutans for Tang? I never understood why there were Orangutans until a couple of years ago (which I know is pathetic, but it's not as if that is how you actually should pronounce it or anything).

Sorry... I'm rambling... This is me trying to avoid writing a "term paper" (when you have two weeks to do all the research and write it is that really a term paper? I think it's more of a final project that could have used the entire term to actually be a good project). Right, I'll stop boring everyone with all the things that are flying around my head.

Lenses

One of the reasons that I love my film camera is actually the lens, it just is so much better at making things look how I'm seeing them. In addition to this the look of film is just unbeatable, I can never get my digital photos, even with editing, to look exactly how I want them to look. Because of this I've decided to by an adapter so I can at least use the lens I love on a camera that doesn't cost me money to see the pictures. Sorry film, I just don't have money right now (hence the growing collection of film to be developed sitting on the counter). I think showing people how I see things is important and I want to be able to do it as well as I can... maybe this will help. (oh the top photo is digital, the bottom photo is film)