A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

August

I can't believe it's August already (and 9 days into it!). It's already started out as a hectic month for me, I have to find a new place to live by the end of the month, my classes are finishing up (I have finals this week) and my work schedules have been conflicting (which was entirely my fault). The good thing about August though is that it means my birthday is coming up (yay! I'll officially not be a teen anymore, that's about all that's exciting about turning 20) and that autumn is almost here (which is my favorite season) although the weather seems pretty determined to make August into an autumn month this year. 

1 Year

One year ago, I started this blog with murky ideas behind what I wanted it to be about. While I'm still a bit murky about what exactly this blog is supposed to be about, I have enjoyed the past year. I have ideas about what I would like to do with this space in the future. I would really like to be able to sell prints of my photos eventually. But that's something that takes time to get started, which is something I don't have all that much of right now with school going on. Hopefully though I'll be able to find some time. We'll have to see what the next year brings. 

Busy

I feel like I have been much busier than I actually have been. But, I suppose, I have been busy, just not in a very productive way at all... generally speaking. Mostly I spent the last five days or so (I'm too tired to actually count), celebrating my birthday. Which I wasn't even all that excited for. But it was nice, my mom's family came over for lunch on Sunday, then on Tuesday I went out to dinner with my mom and had a nice dinner with my family. On Wednesday I got my friends together for a picnic and croquet, which I felt was quite sucessful, then to finish it all off, on Thursday I drove, with Shawn, up to Portland and watched Built to Spill and The Flaming Lips, we then spent Friday wandering around Portland. I even got to see my dear friend Nicole! I don't think I could have asked for a better week. But I can tell that summer is coming to a close, my brother has started soccer practice, and I have begun thinking about school again. I keep on wishing I could just disappear into this summer like it is starting to disappear into autumn... but then I couldn't wear all my autumny clothes, and that would be a tragedy.


I have also decided this week that I am a little too interested in fashion, I feel slightly ridiculous about it.

Excitement

Earlier tonight I found out that I am going up to Portland in a little over a week to see The Flaming Lips at the Edgefield Amphitheatre. I am so excited, not only for the concert, but to be in Portland again, even for just a day. As much as I love Bend, and I will always love it. I also love being in the city. There is so much more excitement and things to just sit and watch there. And I get to see some friends that I haven't seen since June. Needless to say again, I am excited!

Also, in other news, I have most of this next week off and the weather is supposed to be heading back towards warmness, so hopefully I will be out and about doing things, and taking lots of pictures while I do them (I haven't been too good about taking photos lately, but I know I want to take more).

So, I hope that everyone else's week has gotten off to as grand of a start as mine.

Hooray! (I'm sorry... I had to do it, I'm excited... and apparently in love with that word)

Days

Days go by, one after the other, I never know what will happen as each one unfolds. It's always something interesting, or I think of it as interesting and exciting afterwards, most days. Some days though I wish I led a more exciting life, full of trips and adventures and exciting friends. But I think that I may already be leading that life I wish for on the boring days. Today for example, I did quite a few things, with the twelve hours I have now been up (yes, I got up at noon... my sleep habits are getting a bit ridiculous).

1. Re-organized photos on computer

2. Got film developed

3. Sent out birthday invitations (only 12 more days until my birthday, 13 until the party that is going to be amazing, it does not have a choice)

4. Looked through library books of photographs and took pictures of the pages with my favorite photos on them (that sounds so much more pathetically nerdy than I thought it would)

5. Helped my mom with the groceries

6. Helped clean and get ready for my family to go on a camping trip (I'm stuck here, working... yay? I'm kind of excited?)

7. Bought strawberries in the last ten minutes of the farmer's market (Holy goodness!)

8. Played a game of ultimate frisbee (and apparently was a little more aggressive than anyone thought I would be in my guarding technique)

9. Sat with some new friends around a fire and roasted marshmallows and ate s'mores (yum!)

10. Watched The Orphanage with Shawn (it was not as scary as everyone made it out to be, I really enjoyed it, actually)

That seems like quite a lot for twelve hours. At least to me it does. I can't imagine how people that are actually awake for the morning do it, they must be exhausted and actually able to sleep at night... weird. Oh, I think tomorrow I'll show you some of my film photos, they turned out much better this time (thank goodness it wasn't my camera).

Invitations

So, as I mentioned here, I am planning, way in advance for my birthday which is still over a month from now. This morning I made some invitations. Just thought I would share them. I think I may disappear for a few days, I need a bit of a break.