A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

Stupidity and Excitement

Let's have a discussion of some of the many stupid things I have said lately (some of them may have to be put into context):

"The point is, you don't look creepy weird." -to Shawn

"That isn't a real mountain, it doesn't go above treeline and there isn't any snow. What's wrong with you?" -not so recent, last year when visiting southern Oregon with a southern Oregonian

"I don't close my blinds because I don't want to live in a cave, like some people." -to the person whose room I happened to be standing in (while their blinds were closed)

The point is, I say stupid, mean things. I don't mean to, I don't like coming off as mean, but I do sometimes. It's something I used to try to keep from doing, but more and more I've realised that that is just part of who I am sometimes. As unfortunate as that can be at times. I don't know why I'm discussing this. Mostly I'm trying to kill time while my sheets dry, I've got a while.

In other, not very exciting news, I fit my hair into a ponytail today! It's only an inch and a half or so long and most of my hair is in pins, but the point is... it's in a ponytail!

I guess I'll get back to getting ready to go to Bend tomorrow. It's not very exciting though, but neither is the internet right now.