Something New

This is what happens when you let some people use your camera and you don't really want your picture to be taken... and the boringness and lack of blogging present on this blog is what happens when said people make you very happy and distract you from doing your normal time-wasting activities. 


I'm graduating in June. I'm going to China in June. I'm working at the pool. I'm planning the adventure that I want to be my life. I'm coming up with all sorts of crazy ideas. I'm spending more time with friends and making new ones too. I'm starting to exercise again on Tuesday. I'm spending the free time I have previously spent in the student union trying not to fall asleep scanning and editing film. I want to be more productive. I want to feel like this last term was worthwhile. I want to have time to do all the photography projects floating around my head. I want to be able to articulate what I am feeling and thinking. I want an outlet for all my frustrations with life. 


I think I'll start writing here again, writing about the mundane life I lead in this damp, damp city. And hopefully that will encourage me to take more photos, not just photos for photos sake but actual photos that I can be proud of. 


In other news, my toothbrush recently found a mate. It has me blushing to myself.

Lately

Yesterday I went to my brother's soccer game and found that along my way there was an old pioneer cemetery. It was so beautiful and park like I was tempted to come back for a picnic. I feel that might be too morbid, to have a picnic in a cemetery, but I still wanted to do it. There were old gravestones with hidden stories buried in the names on them and a beautiful old building that looked like it was probably a mausoleum (that's what that picture is of) as well as some really great trees. I've always felt that I would like trees to be near my grave, if I have a grave. And really the best kind of tree to be buried near would be a really great climbing tree... Ok I'm done being so morbid... Later while I was waiting for the bus to go home, I realized that autumn really is showing up, the leaves are starting to change and even though there have been a few sunny days lately the rain and gloomy clouds have started to come back. 

On another entirely unrelated note, I got new glasses. I'm still not entirely sure what to think of them... is that bad? I mean I did pick them out, I just am not entirely sure why I like them or if I really do like them all that much. 

Night

When I get tired I tend to like repetition. I repeat words over and over when I'm speaking or writing something and the same thoughts or bit of song will repeat in my head over and over. I try to avoid going to bed sometimes because of this, I don't want to give my mind time to settle down and find whatever is going to start repeating itself in my head. Especially when they turn out to be thoughts, because the thoughts that come around at this time of night, are the ones I spend the whole day trying not to think.

I started my photography class on Monday, I get to use the darkroom and actually develop and print my own work. I like it, I like seeing things all the way through a process, I like turning science into art. It's like magic. 

That is a pretty old photo up there.

Through the Lens

Other than taking a lot of photos of my feet over the past few months, I also apparently really liked to take pictures of myself taking pictures (in case you didn't notice I don't really usually do this, or at least I don't think I do). I realize I've posted the last one before but I still like it, in fact I like all of them at least a little, which is even weirder. 

Travels

Sometimes this is just too much.

I have this idea that someday I'll just pack what I need to live and go where ever I end up for a few months. Preferably in Europe. Maybe after I'm done with school... we'll see. I still don't know what I'm going to do after this year of school. I feel like my mind travels more than I ever will in my entire life.

Time

I've been playing around and falling in love with black and white photos lately. A good thing since I'm taking a black and white photography class later this summer. I really can't wait for it. I don't have a whole lot to say right now, just a lot of thinking and school and work going on.

People

Sometimes people really annoy me. My psuedo-aunt (she's my stepmom's sister, so we aren't really all that related) told her niece (in my terms, my psuedo-cousin) that she looked "so grown-up" the other day when I went to dinner with them and some other family members (psuedo- and real). She then turned to me and said, "Not you, you still look like a little girl." To which I responded, "I'm only 19." Which is true, I am only 19, I spend most of my days going to class, studying for class, or scooping ice cream, most of the time, I don't need to be all that grown-up looking. Although I have realized more and more lately, that in just a year I will be out in the world as a college graduate and I might want to look a little more grown up then. Today, when I needed a break from writing about German history (actually it's just the history of a German island but I have to write it in German which makes my head go into over-drive after a while) I decided to see if I actually do look grown-up at all when I try. Which, is a lot of fun for me, I get to get out of my T-shirts and jeans and try and look nice, because in reality I'm wearing a plaid shirt and some cords today with a pair of tennis shoes. I should also mention that Alli's weekly feature of what she is wearing and her statement about having outfits that just don't work out today kind of inspired this as well, you can check out what she's wearing (along with various other things) over at One Pearl Button.  I'm going to caption these pictures because I think they're kind of awful and it's more fun for me.

I was frustrated by the set-up of my room not being good for taking pictures not in a mirror so I gave up and used a mirror. Also, please ignore the mess on my floor. 

I really love these shoes... my pasty legs... not so much.

Awkward half-showing-my-teeth smile.

Green in the City

I live just across the freeway from some of the hills of Portland, where there is a strange combination of forest-like areas and large or old houses, depending. When you walk up my street and across the freeway (my apartment is very loud most of the time) there are a set of stairs going up the hill to one of the roads that has wound it's way up. Along the way up them are green things everywhere, it's a bit of an escape from being surrounded by the city for me. A couple of weeks ago I went up them and snapped some pictures. 

Softness

Rain makes the light so soft. And me so sleepy.

Goodness Gracious

Dear life,

Could you stop sending me surprises that make my life harder when I'm busy with other stuff? It would be really great. I seriously don't know what to think right now. I need the term to be over, then you can all tell me all the things that just freak me out. Is everyone ok with that? Are we all agreed? I think it's a darn good idea at least.

Thanks!

Sydney

Happy Friday

I want to be out enjoying warm sunny days or sitting at home enjoying a good book. Unfortunately, I'm bored in the library (I'm supposed to be reading some texts that clearly needed an editor to make them less confusing).

I hope everyone else is a little less bored looking than I am right now. It is finally the weekend, afterall.

sources: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Maybe

Maybe I'm looking at everything wrong. Maybe I don't really know anything at all.

My fingers look so fat.

Stupidity and Excitement

Let's have a discussion of some of the many stupid things I have said lately (some of them may have to be put into context):

"The point is, you don't look creepy weird." -to Shawn

"That isn't a real mountain, it doesn't go above treeline and there isn't any snow. What's wrong with you?" -not so recent, last year when visiting southern Oregon with a southern Oregonian

"I don't close my blinds because I don't want to live in a cave, like some people." -to the person whose room I happened to be standing in (while their blinds were closed)

The point is, I say stupid, mean things. I don't mean to, I don't like coming off as mean, but I do sometimes. It's something I used to try to keep from doing, but more and more I've realised that that is just part of who I am sometimes. As unfortunate as that can be at times. I don't know why I'm discussing this. Mostly I'm trying to kill time while my sheets dry, I've got a while.

In other, not very exciting news, I fit my hair into a ponytail today! It's only an inch and a half or so long and most of my hair is in pins, but the point is... it's in a ponytail!

I guess I'll get back to getting ready to go to Bend tomorrow. It's not very exciting though, but neither is the internet right now.

How to...

...avoid homework:

Build a fort and hide away in it. Everyone knows Sundays never exist under blankets and chairs.

Sleepy Times

I'm alone again, there isn't anyone here to make me rice anymore. But the weekend was glorious and fall is out in full colors. I have a not-so-busy school week ahead of me, hopefully I'll take the time to have lots and lots of fun.

I got up at five this morning and am feeling quite exhausted (I've uncharacteristically not taken any significant naps yet today). This week I don't have much going on so I plan on doing a little bit of cleaning, taking some photos of the foliage, and perhaps finding some new places to enjoy that are nearby.

Dreams

Don't you ever feel like this all must be a dream, nothing more?

Days

Days go by, one after the other, I never know what will happen as each one unfolds. It's always something interesting, or I think of it as interesting and exciting afterwards, most days. Some days though I wish I led a more exciting life, full of trips and adventures and exciting friends. But I think that I may already be leading that life I wish for on the boring days. Today for example, I did quite a few things, with the twelve hours I have now been up (yes, I got up at noon... my sleep habits are getting a bit ridiculous).

1. Re-organized photos on computer

2. Got film developed

3. Sent out birthday invitations (only 12 more days until my birthday, 13 until the party that is going to be amazing, it does not have a choice)

4. Looked through library books of photographs and took pictures of the pages with my favorite photos on them (that sounds so much more pathetically nerdy than I thought it would)

5. Helped my mom with the groceries

6. Helped clean and get ready for my family to go on a camping trip (I'm stuck here, working... yay? I'm kind of excited?)

7. Bought strawberries in the last ten minutes of the farmer's market (Holy goodness!)

8. Played a game of ultimate frisbee (and apparently was a little more aggressive than anyone thought I would be in my guarding technique)

9. Sat with some new friends around a fire and roasted marshmallows and ate s'mores (yum!)

10. Watched The Orphanage with Shawn (it was not as scary as everyone made it out to be, I really enjoyed it, actually)

That seems like quite a lot for twelve hours. At least to me it does. I can't imagine how people that are actually awake for the morning do it, they must be exhausted and actually able to sleep at night... weird. Oh, I think tomorrow I'll show you some of my film photos, they turned out much better this time (thank goodness it wasn't my camera).

Dress-Up

I love raiding my mother's closet. We are similar sizes, though her legs are a bazillion times longer than mine (as are most people's). Tonight I found a couple of things that I could not help loving. These sailor pants which are, I admit, too big for me but so adorable I could ignore it if I somehow end up with them in Portland, no idea how that would happen... and this faded pink polka-dot ruffly blouse... I am sighing just describing it. I also found a plaid button down shirt and a belt that reminds me of the ones I fell in love with recently. Sorry if you seem to be missing some clothes when you get back, Mom.

Oh, and excuse my bad photos and modeling, please.

Chitter Chatter...

Chitter Chatter, all these secrets started giving me the shivers, plain and simple broken down...

I have a line from a Death Cab for Cutie song stuck in my head. I think it is very true though, the more secrets I have the colder I get... really, life is just beginning to get to me a little bit. I think I need something pretty and new (or at least new to me) I will have to keep my eyes peeled the next few days.

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Colorless

I have never been much of a fan of self-portraits, but I found that there was no better picture available to show my exhaustion today, but one of myself. I don't know where this exhaustion has come from, but it feels like it is in my soul today.