It's been a while

I've been busy with school this term. It's just going to to keep happening next term too. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this space. I'm happy with my life right now. These photos are from the summer. I can't wait for next summer, for freedom. 

I don't really have anything to say. I've been busy with school and work lately. I'm getting sick of Portland's weather already but at the same time I'm excited for the rain. Sometimes I think I just need to start over.

Busy

A random picture from the coast that I like...

A long and some-what boring rant-ish writing about my life as it is currently...


I'm not unhappy, just exhausted.. actually I'm pretty happy with my life right now, I just need to have a little more time somewhere so I can think about things and figure out what is coming next. Right now it seems as if I am living my life day by day. Most of the time I hardly know what it is coming the next day (or even what day it is). I'm enjoying my photography class and I've been taking pictures like mad but printing them myself in the darkroom is such a long process that I feel like I don't have much to show for all the photos I've been taking. Don't get me wrong, working in the darkroom is a really rewarding process. I probably would have been there at some point today if I wasn't out of paper. For our next assignment we have to take portraits which I'm a little worried about, just because I don't know who I'm going to take them of or when. I'm moving to a new apartment on Monday and not at all ready, but I have tomorrow free all day, so I think I'll be able to get some things done then. It just seems like I'm doing nothing but working, going to class, sleeping, and eating (occasionally, sometimes I seem to forget about this one) right now. Even on my days off that's all I feel like I'm doing (mostly because if I have a day off work, I still go to class/work in the darkroom/do homework/help people with things and when I have days off school, well I'm definitely working then). Luckily I should have a break soon. I'm not sure why I'm posting this right now... I just really need more time to have a life. I need to talk to people. 

A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

August

I can't believe it's August already (and 9 days into it!). It's already started out as a hectic month for me, I have to find a new place to live by the end of the month, my classes are finishing up (I have finals this week) and my work schedules have been conflicting (which was entirely my fault). The good thing about August though is that it means my birthday is coming up (yay! I'll officially not be a teen anymore, that's about all that's exciting about turning 20) and that autumn is almost here (which is my favorite season) although the weather seems pretty determined to make August into an autumn month this year. 

Differences

I can't believe how little this summer feels like summer. Last summer was just too good to me. I'm going to drop off some more film to get developed tomorrow I think, that is if I get to it... I feel like I have a never-ending amount of things to do right now and too many things pulling on my mind at once. So, I will leave you with this picture that someone (I really can't remember who) showed me recently. If you ever had anything to do with Babar you will (hopefully, if not I might feel a bit crazy) agree with me that it is awesome.

Busy

I have been so busy the past week. I drove all over the place for 4th of July weekend, I'm working two jobs and going to school full time. But it's good, it keeps me organized. Although I didn't realize it was so late until just now... I should go to sleep. I think this weekend I might actually do something fun! 

Bones

I love when you can see the bones under your skin. I love knowing that I know what each of them is. 

It's been a while since I've posted anything, I've been really busy with the end of the term and work, but now the term is over and I'm enjoying my little break before summer classes start up again. Hopefully I'll be around a bit more after this. 

Weekends

I was sick this weekend. My body truly has awful timing. There is so much I have to do for school this term and on top of that I need to find a job. I feel like I'm getting lost in it all. Or maybe I'm just lost to begin with. I just need the time it takes to figure things out... but I don't have that. And I don't get to find it anywhere. Finally, goats in trees... entertaining - thank you internet.