What holds it all up

Being this close to something makes it hard to focus and concentrate. I just have two papers (one pretty short and the other comparatively long) until I'm finished with school. Most everyone I know is done with the term though. I miss taking photos, but I can't let myself get that distracted when I'm so close. 

This photo is from when I was out taking landscapes last term, I found the remains of something out in the snow and took a few photos of it (after I moved it onto a stump). I love the way they turned out.

News

I have some news....
I suppose pretty much anything I post would count as news since I've been so sporatic on this space lately. School and work and life have been keeping me really busy lately, but anyway, on to the news (there are several items, actually):


1. In just over a week I will have graduated with my Bachelor's of Science in Anthropology (if you know anyone who needs an anthropologist and is willing to pay let me know...)


2. Two days after my graduation, I will be going to China for two weeks with my grandma and cousin. I still can't believe this is actually going to be happening.


3. Portland (the entire state of Oregon, really) seems to have finally figured out that it should be summer right now and is finally having some nice weather. 


4. I'm finally, very slowly, getting around to scanning all my black and white film from my photo classes (the photos above are from a landscape project I did this winter).


5. Hopefully, I'll be getting a car soon... which means I can go camping... which means this summer will actually feel like summer.


That's really all that's been happening in my life (or at least all I'm willing to share on the internet). I'm hoping that now that I'm going to be done with school for a while, I'll try and post here more regularly.

It's been a while

I've been busy with school this term. It's just going to to keep happening next term too. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this space. I'm happy with my life right now. These photos are from the summer. I can't wait for next summer, for freedom. 

Rain

In September, as my black and white photo class was ending it rained a few days. I realized how beautiful the rain really is and how great it would be to capture it on film in black and white. I have been waiting (rather impatiently, to be honest) for the winter rain to hit Portland and this month it really has hit full force. Part of this project is to capture the actual physical phenomenon of rain but I also want to capture some of the moods that rain and winter in Portland brings about. I want to do some portrait work for this eventually, but the opportunity hasn't arisen. I want these to all be photos from my everyday life, things that I am actually experiencing and seeing. All the water I have to endure as well as the cozy interiors I retreat to when it's too wet to be outside. 

These are shots from the first roll of film I've shot for this. I really wanted to develop and print the film myself but I don't have access to a darkroom right now and honestly, I don't have time. Eventually though I do plan on printing my favorites of the series myself. 

On a more practical note, this project has made me hate the rain a little less. But I'm still more excited about snow... which may be coming to Portland soon (and if it does it totally counts as being part of Portland in the winter, right?). 

Let me know what you think of this project. There are more photos from this roll on my flickr.

Firsts

There have been a lot of firsts in my life (everyone can say this, really). Most of them have led to something else happening. For better or for worse there is a first time for everything. This summer I shot black and white film for the first time and then at the end of the summer I got to develop and print that film. I finally began the long process of scanning all the film I took in that month or so. I feel like I really got something amazing added to my life with this particular first and I have what I think is a pretty cool idea for a photo series. I'll have more on that in a few months or so, for now, here are some of the first black and white photos I took on film, from before my class started, when I was just experimenting a little bit to try and get the hang of it.

It was a black and white summer for me, I feel like it in more ways than one.

Film from the coast... finally

You may remember that in February I went to the coast and have been trying to show you my film from that day since I got back... well after losing the roll and finding it again, I finally have it developed, printed, and scanned! I'm sure no one is really as excited as I am, I've been looking forward to this for over 6 months! And I must say, this roll did not disappoint me at all. It's amazing to think these were taken in February, they look so summery, and if I hadn't been there taking them I might say they feel summery, but I remember the cold wind all too well. Anyway, enjoy these images as summer begins to pass (sort of, it was way too hot and humid today... it was ice cream scooping like crazy at work). I really can't wait for the 'autumn' to begin. 

A bit lost...

I don't know where I am going right now, quite literally. I have to move out of where I'm living now by the first and I don't have anywhere to go to (at least not anywhere that isn't temporary). But also I don't really know where my life is going right now. I, as usual, put too much on my plate of things to do in life and now I'm panicking at the mess I've caused and trying desperately to get it all put together and to turn out alright before it's too late, even though it probably already is too late. After re-reading that I realize I could really apply that to a lot of different things in my life if I wanted to, but I really only had one thing in mind. And the other thing is that once I get the things I need to get figured out now figured out, I have no idea where I'll be going from there. I like to have some sort of idea about where things are going, I like to have a loose plan to follow so I know where to go with my life if some part doesn't work out. Probably mostly because I feel like nothing ever works for me, I kind of destroy anything that is working out. But that might just be me blaming myself for everything (which I do seem to do). Also, I'm turning 20 soon, I feel so old and so young at the same time. I feel like I'm wasting my life sometimes.

I should write this stupid paper and get it over with already. But somehow I just don't care about this anymore, even though I know I should... I just don't have time to care? Ach, my mind doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

Through the Lens

Other than taking a lot of photos of my feet over the past few months, I also apparently really liked to take pictures of myself taking pictures (in case you didn't notice I don't really usually do this, or at least I don't think I do). I realize I've posted the last one before but I still like it, in fact I like all of them at least a little, which is even weirder. 

Delicate

Quite a while ago a friend of mine described my blog as containing "delicate little descriptions." I honestly haven't been able to get these words out of my head since I first read them. Mostly it's that one word: delicate. I feel like the entire world is delicate, like my entire life is delicate; one wrong turn and everything can fall apart, everything can disappear. I like to think that light is delicate and when I take pictures I am trying to capture the delicate little bits and pieces that the light is creating. I'm trying to show people how delicate my life is, how the light streams through all the cracks and pinholes, how it's like a whole other universe waiting to be discovered. That's what light really is to me, it's what reveals the truth. Anything can happen when it's dark, but when the light comes back, when the sun rises, that's when everything really happens, and those in-between moments are just magical, anything can happen between the lightness and the darkness.

August

I can't believe it's August already (and 9 days into it!). It's already started out as a hectic month for me, I have to find a new place to live by the end of the month, my classes are finishing up (I have finals this week) and my work schedules have been conflicting (which was entirely my fault). The good thing about August though is that it means my birthday is coming up (yay! I'll officially not be a teen anymore, that's about all that's exciting about turning 20) and that autumn is almost here (which is my favorite season) although the weather seems pretty determined to make August into an autumn month this year. 

At my dad's

Back at the beginning of the summer when I went and spent a day at my dad's I took a roll of film worth of pictures. I'm kind of in love with these and the way my step-mom has decorated her yard and my dad's dog.